Next Baby

Stop! It's a trap!

You probably followed this link here from Facebook, thinking you'd read about how I've been feeling physically this past twelve weeks. On that subject, Liz Lemon said it best, because she says everything best: "Oh, little achy and nauseous, but I'm hanging in there." We'll get to that in a few paragraphs. (I saw you, you were just going to skip down a few paragraphs and see if you could find the non-hormonal and ranty stuff. Forget it, buddy.)

Instead, I'm going to address how I'm feeling that I'm pregnant, because that seems to be a much more important issue. 

When we had Liam, we would have been just as thrilled if he'd been a girl, but instead we got our Liam boy. It was great. And apparently, we'd won the genetic lottery, or so EVERYONE told us. Friends, acquaintances, and especially complete strangers would congratulate us. "How wonderful," they said, "you have a girl and a boy! Now you can be done!" It's a little gratifying to be congratulated, but also puzzling. Now we can be done? Sometimes it was much more certain. "Oh good. You're done!" Joseph even had a stranger say it almost as an order, as if we shouldn't have any more children. 

I don't go in for conspiracy theories, and I don't believe there's a war on large families, but why is two children the perfect number? Joseph's family is one of the happiest I've ever met and there are 13 children. (P.S. Thirteen is not the number we're shooting for.) Adjusting to two children was exponentially harder than adjusting to one. It was a real challenge for the first few months. Sometimes it's still a challenge, and Joseph and I weren't certain that we were ready to be outnumbered, because the chaos of dinner and bedtime is so much easier when we can each take one child, or if I can help/carry/care for one child with each hand. But as Liam grew up and needed less babying, we wondered if a family with just two children would seem small. 

We've been uncertain about the idea of growing our family for a while now, and most of our friends and family knew it, so maybe that threw some people off. But it has become very apparent that with this pregnancy we have stepped from the sparkling pedestal of family-of-four bliss to the realm of "You idiots, you just ruined your lives." It's uncanny. It's actually quite baffling. Some of the first reactions I received when revealing I was pregnant were "Congratulations, I guess. You know it's going to get a lot harder," and "I'm sorry this happened to you at such a busy time."

Can I just take a moment to address those thoughts? "You know it's going to get a lot harder"??? Really?? I had no idea! I'm already pregnant, so what on earth did they suppose I was going to do about it at that point?? I think I replied, "Well, we'll handle it." What else can I do except handle it? "I'm sorry this happened to you"?? I'm not! This isn't a disease, this is a baby! Soon it will be just like the adorable kids I have running around me. 

Those are easily the most extreme responses, but they aren't uncommon. Strangers don't congratulate us now. When people hear we're expecting, the reply is "Oh!....." occasionally with some weak fake enthusiasm.

There have been some people that were genuinely happy for us, and we appreciate every one of them. If you were one of those people, thank you. Parenting is hard enough without getting any negativity. Even if parents seem completely fine, cheerful support is always appreciated. 

So for both of you still reading at this point, I would like to address some very important points about this pregnancy:

This baby is wanted, loved, and expected.

This baby was given to us by God, created in the image of God, and as an amazing gift to us, it is a combination of us: two people who love each other deeply. How amazing! How lucky we are! Of course we love this baby. From the moment we knew we were expecting another baby, it was a welcome member of our family. Sure, we're not sure how it will be adjusting to three kids, but we'll manage it, and the chaos and uncertainty doesn't mean we love any of our kids less. Also, it always baffles me when married people are asked "So was [your baby] a surprise?" Since marriage involves sex and since sex makes babies... and since no birth control is 100% effective... can any baby be completely a surprise? Really? We're two intelligent people who know how this works. This baby was not a surprise, nor an accident. We hadn't made up our minds about having more kids, so we knew it was only a matter of time before I got pregnant again, and we were both okay with that. 

Q: "What are you hoping for??"

A: A healthy baby. A genius would be nice. Somehow we need to vicariously live out our dreams of Rhodes
Scholarship. (I'm going to be disappointed with one gender or another? Come on, there are so many more important things to worry about.)

And that's pretty much it. I've been holding all that hormonal ranting in for eight weeks now. You're welcome. If you're one of the two people who had the time and/or stamina to read this post to the end, well done! Now we get to the more mundane stuff:

With the third pregnancy, you don't get a lot of time to focus on being pregnant. Weeks 8-11 were pretty rough for me. I was really tired all the time and nauseous, especially in the evening. The smell of raw onions made me gag. I didn't feel like eating anything at all, though I usually felt better if I had something plain. Preggie Pop Drops saved me for those few weeks. Initially I craved LOTS of red meat, which makes Joseph think this baby must be a boy, but after that it was mostly carbs and sodium. I ate lots of sour cream and onion chips, ramen, pasta, and chicken nuggets. I know it's not healthy, but when the thought of most food makes you sick, you go with what you can. I'm feeling almost back to normal now, though Pinterest with all its pictures of food still sometimes makes me nauseous. 

That's all, folks. I'm already feeling healthier going into this pregnancy than I did with Liam, and I got more time to recover and enjoy my baby, so that was a nice vacation from being pregnant. I'm due January 24 (give or take two weeks, of course), at which point Diana will be three and Liam will be almost two (20 months). Keep checking back for more pregnancy updates.