Babies

Our own one-year-old boy!

I have been reflecting on the many wonderful qualities of babies lately. Two things have caused this, mainly: first, my own baby turned one year old today! (What?!?! Waaaaahahahaaaa!) And secondly, I tried watching a documentary that was too horrifying even for me.

On the first point, my own Matthew baby has become a person of years rather than months?

That's how I feel about that. 

He is still the nicest baby I could have ever hoped for. He made a frighteningly sudden entrance to the world, but since then he has just been incredibly good-natured. I love the way he loves music. He will dance or sing along to almost anything he hears, especially if it has a good beat. He's starting to love books, though he has little patience for them. And I love how he is so interested in learning about the world. He is clearly very interested in learning to speak and in the nuances of interacting with others. I can tell because of how intently he studies people. He's really trying to learn and he is starting to imitate words and gestures more. Watching babies learn to be like the people around them is definitely one of my favorite parts of parenting.

But I think that one of the best parts of being a parent by far is watching my kids become siblings. Having kids can be exhausting and maddening, but let's not forget that the joyous times are almost divine. There is nothing like watching your new baby idolize and imitate their older siblings, or watching your older kids become protective and caring of their younger siblings. Seeing Matthew grow up is definitely bittersweet, but seeing him become a playmate to his brother and sister- seeking them out to join in their games, or trying to get a laugh out of them and then doing the same thing over and over to keep them laughing, is one of my favorite things about having kids. I know having only one child is just right for some people, but what a joy it is to make your own pack of playmates who love (and sometimes annoy) each other and are all part of your own family! 

As we leave the baby stage behind and begin to look forward to toddler-hood (Matthew is already halfway-successfully walking almost everywhere!), I've been thinking about how very unique and special babies are. The smell of a warm baby is wonderful. Their early grunts and wheezes and then cooing and babbles (and first baby laughs!) are the best. I love the way they feel when they wiggle and snuggle. I love the way their eyes search yours when they are asking for something. I love the way they so completely need people and can be so utterly satisfied by having their needs met. It is wonderful that they are the early stages of humans that can potentially change the world, but I've just been appreciating that baby stage for how incredible it is. 

Maybe that's why I finally met a documentary I wasn't able to finish.

I've mentioned before that I watch a lot of documentaries. It's kind of my way of learning about the world and how people see it while I'm in a season of life that doesn't allow for a lot of exploration. Also, for whatever reason, I'm drawn to the really raw, depressing kind. I am not the type to watch a documentary about food or artists. My style is the kind of film that will leave you down for a week, wondering what kind of world we live in and how you can change anything while you're such a small, insignificant part of it. War, orphans, torture, incarceration, violence, etc. Don't you also want to know about the ugly parts of the world so you can change them? No? Just me then? Fine.

Anyway, I read an article recently that was written in response to the PBS Documentary "After Tiller," about the plight of the few doctors who still perform late-term abortions in the wake of the murder of Dr. George Tiller. Matt Walsh, the author of the article, made some good points, I thought, but I'd never seen the documentary, so I didn't know if it was particularly fair or accurate. Because Facebook likes to broadcast everything I do or think, one of my friends saw that I'd "liked" the article and said she actually thought the film was very balanced and heartbreaking. We have different political views, but since I respect her and enjoy PBS documentaries and since I usually believe in examining both sides of an issue before making a decision, I decided to watch it. 

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

I should start off by saying that I classify myself as pro-life. Even after I became a Christian, I was probably more pro-choice because I'd never really thought about abortion. It just seemed like adults should be able to make their own decisions about their lives. But I made some offhand comment one day to my then-boyfriend Joseph about how bothersome pro-life protesters on campus were and he stopped me and asked what my views were about abortion and why. He said it was very important to him because of what abortion was to the babies that were aborted: unspeakably cold, cruel, murder. I'd never thought about the fact that there were at least two lives- mother's and child's- that were impacted by abortion. I decided to look into it more and what I found horrified me. I became pro-life and my resolve only strengthened over time, especially after I had children. 

I confess (unashamedly) that I was only able to get through the first five minutes of the film before I became so horrified and disgusted that I had to turn it off. And I've watched a lot of documentaries about horrifying subjects. There is a brief introduction to Dr. George Tiller, his murder, and the other few late-term abortion providers in the United States. Then we are shown a scene in an examination room with a doctor, a nurse or two, and a woman who isn't shown. The doctor performs an ultrasound. You can see a baby on the screen, moving around like any healthy baby. He tells her she can look or not look at the screen, it's her choice. He sounds very soothing and compassionate. The film cuts to later in the same examination room with the same people. The mother is now lightly sobbing. The nurses bustle around. The doctor speaks to her gently, like a father, assuring her how completely natural and okay it all is. It's unclear if he is referring to her reaction or the procedure, but it doesn't really matter. We are to understand that her baby is dead. 

The people in the room killed the baby that was innocently moving around on the screen only moments before. Those that didn't commit the act were accomplices. It is an atrocity committed on what was clearly a human being, though apparently an inconvenient one. And the most sickening part is listening to the compassionate voice of the doctor over the sobs of the mother, who obviously instinctively feels that she just committed an unnatural and irreversible crime. I couldn't watch anymore. Like I said, a baby is incredibly special. And it grieves me that there are people who facilitate the murder of something so precious, and that there are mothers who see killing their children as their best and only option. It is strange to me that I could pay someone to give my baby a lethal injection, then cut them apart and rip them from my body one week; but if, a few weeks later, I were to give birth to that same baby and pick them up and throw them against a wall, I could be charged with murder. It is all unnatural. It is all wrong. 

So those are the reasons babies have been on my mind recently. I don't think my love of babies made the documentary more distasteful than it would have been at any other time. I think the subject matter is just awful. It has made me think about what I can do to help the at-risk babies and their mothers that turn to abortion. I don't have an answer for that yet. Until then, I'll just enjoy and snuggle the babies (and, soon, toddlers!) that I have been blessed with. They are so special.

Because babies do things like this! 

And also they can be cute like my babies!

Are You Done?

There are natural conversation-starters in this world. Children are one of them. From the time you become pregnant with your first child, you learn that you've just opened the door to innumerable conversations with perfect strangers about the subject of having kids. Some of it is helpful and, of course, some of it is idiotic. One conversation topic that keeps coming up for us is, "Are you done [with having kids]?'

Truthfully, I didn't mind the first ten times I was asked the question. I still don't really mind if the person asking is a friend or relative who's genuinely interested in the affairs of our family. But after a year or so (people have been asking us this since I was pregnant with our second child), it does start to feel a little suspicious. I don't know- if you'd started making beautiful cakes for a living and after each cake was complete, people asked you if you were finally done making cakes, you'd start to wonder if there was a hidden point to the question, wouldn't you?

For what it's worth, as much as it is up to us to decide (we recognize that sometimes God has surprises in store), we are done. Not because, as most people are ready to believe, we are overwhelmed- that three is an unmanageable number and we're somehow in over our heads and we need to quit. As I mentioned before, having three kids hasn't really been that difficult. I love each one of our kids and I will genuinely miss having a baby in our house. But it really feels as if a switch has been turned off in my mind and it's something I just don't deeply desire anymore. There's a lot less hand-wringing and nail-biting than I'd imagined in the decision not to have more kids. I'm pretty much at peace with the idea.

As Liam grew older, we struggled a lot with the decision to keep having kids or stay with two, but I felt like there was someone around that I couldn't see. It felt like someone was missing and that I was always forgetting someone when I was loading up the car or tucking kids into bed. Soon I became pregnant and I found I was actually excited about the idea of having another baby. I calculated their birth date. I thought a little bit about names. I wondered if they'd have the same birthday as Diana (they were due November 2013). I wasn't able to do all of that for long, because one day I started bleeding very heavily and felt sick with heavy heavy cramps that kept me in bed all day. I had a miscarriage. It was very early on. I probably wasn't more than five or six weeks along. But I'd been able to make plans around this little person and suddenly they weren't with us anymore. We hadn't even really gotten to know them. The excitement I felt upon learning we were expecting and the confusing depression and disappointment when I miscarried made me realize I still wanted to have more children. Thankfully, two months later God gave us our Matthew.

Now our family just feels complete. I don't look around anymore with the feeling that I'm forgetting someone unseen. Of course we'd be happy if we had another child, but it's not really in our plans.

That doesn't mean that it's easy in any way to watch our kids grow up. I'm trying to savor Matthew's baby-hood as much as humanly possible. He's almost eight months old and still not interested in solid foods, and truthfully I don't really care. Breastfeeding is still one of the most wonderful things in the world to me. Every developmental milestone is just a little bittersweet because I know it's another step toward being a toddler running around with his brother and sister. He's already too wiggly to sit in my arms for snuggles. My husband has been incredibly patient with my tendency to, within the bounds of law and order in our house, indulge him as the last baby a bit. Still, it's a little difficult. We started having kids before all our friends and now after a whirlwind four years, our baby-having days are done while they're still growing their families. I think we decided we were done before most of our family members too. So while I was able to go through the journey of pregnancy and having kids with a large community of people (especially during my last two pregnancies), I don't know anyone who's reached the end of that road yet. It's a little lonely. There are no other moms to talk to about the slight sadness of giving away baby clothes you'll never use anymore, or disassembling fixtures like the bouncer or baby swing. We have many wonderful years ahead of us with our three goofy kids, but there are no new additions to look forward to, just our kids growing up. Excuse me for a moment-

I'm better now. One wonderful thing about being part of a community of growing families is that there will never ever be a shortage of babies around! I know of three that were born in the last two months. Because of colds going around our house, I've only gotten to cuddle one of them, but there's always more time for that and I know of even more on the way in coming months. I've always enjoyed babies without being baby-crazy, but I may just end up turning into the aunt that won't put down her nieces/nephews/any other babies people will allow her to hold. (Fair warning, relatives! Hide yo' kids!)

How did you know when your family was complete? Or how do you handle people asking about it?

Ideas from my pre-parent days

I know someone who frequently makes comments about other people's ill-behaved kids. They've made it very clear they have no tolerance and complete disdain for children who act up. (They don't have children.)

Why do they tell me this? I think they share the confidence because they imagine that my kids are "good," so I must also have a natural disdain for "bad" children. I think that just illustrates how little they know us. My kids are good kids, but as a mother, there have been times a'plenty when I've seen that even good kids have bad moments (or days, or weeks, or months). Being a parent changes your perspective on a lot of things. Before having kids, my ideas about children ranged from naive (that I'd have free time) to downright delusional. (In one of my pre-baby fantasies, I sat rocking my peacefully sleeping baby wearing a white gown. WHITE.) For example, before I had kids, I thought:

1. Bad behavior = bad kids, and bad kids = bad parents. Kids are just tiny human beings still learning to keep a grip on sanity and reason for most of the day, and the smallest (and weirdest) things can set them up for failure. Even good kids will scream at the top of their lungs, throw things, and turn and run away from their moms at least once, if only because they're still learning how their world works and they want to see if they can get away with it. However, bad behavior can be influenced by too little (or too much) sleep, sleep at the wrong times of day, their diaper situation, air temperature, hunger, thirst, visiting relatives, siblings' behavior, wind direction, the presence (or absence) of their favorite toy/sweater/snack, their blood sugar, stress, uncertainty, boredom, personality, the phases of the moon, current world events, and just being a kid. Just because you see a toddler throwing a tantrum in a store once doesn't mean they've ever done it before or that they're bad kids. They may just be having a bad moment. And more importantly, it doesn't mean their parents are bad parents. I do believe that there are bad parents and bad children, but that doesn't mean that they can't ever change.
2. Our moms' stories didn't apply to me. I grew up hearing all my mom's stories about my siblings' ear infections, tantrums, sleep-walking, and food aversions. I listened to my mother-in-law talk about her kids' dealings with allergies, eczema, bad dreams, rounded feet, etc. without absorbing any of the information. Where exactly did I imagine my kids were getting their genes from? When we started dealing with allergies, eczema, bad dreams, and sleep-walking, I went back to our moms and asked them to re-tell their stories, and this time I really listened.
3. That I'd have free time. I worked throughout my first pregnancy. I planned to scale back my hours after having my baby, but keep working. In fact, I remember telling my boss, "I should still be able to get that writing done, at least for a few hours a week. I'll just be sitting at home with a baby and nothing to do." 
   
   
   
4. That the hardest thing I'd do is be a mother. Being a mom is a big job. You are the universe to one (or three!) small people. They want you to know what to do all the time. Your personality, preferences, beliefs, and actions shape the culture of an entire family. And if all you had to do was be a mother, it would still be a huge job, but if you're married, you still have to be a wife as well. ("WHAT?? You mean my husband is still going to want to spend time with me and talk about things other than the kids? He's still going to want some of my last shreds of energy to have a meaningful conversation and wonder why I don't make him lunch or put away his laundry like I used to when we were newlyweds? Who does he think he is? One of the kids??") My parents' marriage was never great that I can remember, and they ended up getting divorced around the time I got married. They come from failed marriages on both sides. If there's one thing that runs in my family, it is not doing well at marriage. The fatal blows to those and so many marriages are struck in that vulnerable time after having babies- when two people are trying to learn how to be parents and maybe end up letting go of being spouses at the same time. I had hormones that prepared my mind and body to be completely fixated on my babies. It took a huge effort to intentionally carve out some time and energy and space in my brain for my husband. But I know that (aside from being something I truly love) being his wife at the same time as being my kids' mom is one of the greatest investments I can make in my family.
5. That there was a right way to do things. Please don't hate me. Please understand. We all start out without a clue. Before I had babies, I believed a low-intervention pregnancy, a natural home birth, and breastfeeding a child were the best and therefore the right way to bring children into the world. I have learned so, so much since then. I know people who wanted to have home births but couldn't, who wanted to have a hospital birth but had their babies in cars, moms who had unplanned C-sections, moms who had scheduled C-sections, moms who had epidurals, moms who went natural. I know moms who breastfed for years, who never wanted to breastfeed, who introduced solid foods early, who just couldn't breastfeed, who exclusively pumped and bottle fed. And do you know what? All their kids are fine. Babies are born all kinds of ways. They are cared for all kinds of ways. And they almost always turn out fine. 
6. That I'd be able to turn it off. I imagined that I'd be able to effortlessly switch between "mom" and "me" whenever I had free time (see number 3). But there is no longer any difference. Of course I'm still the person I was before I had kids, but I am also for the rest of my life a mother. Even when my kids are asleep, even when I'm on a date, even when we spend a night away, even when my kids grow up and leave, I will always be thinking about them, thinking about kids, thinking about myself as a mom, thinking about mothering in general, thinking about mothers and babies and families around the world. I am changed forever. I am always a mom. It's not a bad thing. But it's not a part of myself that I can be separate from like I expected. I will never be able to completely be like my pre-baby self. Heck, I'll probably never be able to take a shower again without wondering if a baby/child is crying in the next room. (AmIright, moms?)
7. That I'd be an expert. If you run often enough you become a pretty good runner. If you throw a ball often enough you become an expert at pitching. If you have enough babies, the only thing you become an expert in is knowing where to look for help. Every pregnancy and every baby is different. I keep thinking that one of these times I'm going to be able to use the knowledge I gained taking care of one child with the next child, but it hasn't happened yet. They each have their own quirks and needs. The more kids I have, the more I get this itchy uncomfortable feeling that the beginning of wisdom is realizing how much you don't know. I'm pretty much an expert at changing diapers, but that's it. And only the disposable kind, because cloth diapers still baffle me.
8. That my body would be the same. After assisting in the creation and care of a new human being for TEN MONTHS (multiplied by the number of kids you've had), your body forgets how to be a body anymore. There are bits and pieces where you didn't leave them before getting pregnant. (Even your bellybutton changes! Forever!) Your hips are different and where you carry your weight. You'll feel a new anxiety at the thought of sneezing, which will be amplified greatly if you already have to go to the bathroom. Your hormones are all. Out. Of. Whack. If you're lucky, your body might snap back to some semblance of its former self, but only if you've had only one baby. Or if you're a fitness instructor or Victoria's Secret model. I imagined that since I'd always been thin and small, my body would just naturally revert to that after having a baby with no effort. Not so.

I know there must be more, but it's late and I only have free time to write at the expense of cleaning up and putting away laundry. What are some ideas you had about kids before becoming a parent?

Three kids: the end of the world?

Mothers know: as soon as you're pregnant, people like to give you advice and tell you their horror stories. It goes something like this:

When you're expecting your first child: "Good luck! Get some sleep now while you still can!" (<The favorite piece of advice from every human being you'll meet, whether they've had kids or not.)

When you're expecting your second child: "Watch out, now you'll really have your hands full!"

When you're expecting your third child: "Everyone says that three is the hardest number. After all, now you guys are outnumbered!"

People are full of encouraging gems like that when you're pregnant. No wonder so many pregnant women are grumpy.

Some of it is well-meant, of course. But there's not a lot of positivity surrounding pregnancy and motherhood. (Pregnant ladies, how often do you hear something like, "Congratulations! What a miracle. You'll so enjoy having [x number of] kids!")

Now that we've started mingling with people in the wide world again, mothers of one and two kids ask me with some awe and trepidation, "So how is it having three?"

It's really not bad. It's not even as bad as I thought, and it's certainly not as bad as people have been telling me.

In fact, having three kids has, so far, been (knock on wood)...

...easy.

(I've been a mom long enough to know that now that I've said that, one kid is going to have attitude problems, another is going to start teething, and the baby is going to go through a growth spurt.)

First, it might help to define what "easy" means when you have three kids. I'm not saying there aren't times when I close myself in the laundry room just so I can cough without someone(s) asking me a thousand questions. I fight multiple battles every day about eating food. Good, healthy food that I lovingly prepared to nourish their growing minds and bodies. There are mornings when I deal with the poop of three small people all in rapid succession, and not always where it's supposed to be. Often at least one person is crying, though more often it's two and sometimes it's a trio of voices raised in delightful harmony.

No, it's easy because I've been doing this for three years and now I'm used to all of that. A little bit of chaos is normal, and it's interspersed with a lot of fun and endearing times. I don't usually get a shower or change out of my PJs before 11 AM, but I do get to see my baby give smiles so big he has to put his whole face and body into expressing the happiness inside him. We can't get out the door on time, but I get to witness my older kids playing cheerfully together at games that they made up.

Truthfully, it was a lot more difficult transitioning to having one child, or even from having one child to two. In the first case, you're caught unprepared (at least we were) by the reality of around-the-clock neediness and your own susceptibility to hormones and uncertainty about how to care for your baby. In the second case, you have a better idea of how to care for an infant, but at that point you have a toddler or preschooler who is used to being the center of attention. Suddenly they need to entertain themselves and they don't always adjust to that easily. They can't understand why mom is suddenly obsessed with a small, uninteresting blob of a person that they can't even touch. To compound things, my toddler still needed help getting into and out of her high chair, having meals made, having her diapers changed, etc.

SO MUCH is different by the time you have three kids! Diana is three now, and at this point she and Liam have been playing together for a long time. I was exhausted in late pregnancy, so they had to learn to run around and entertain themselves. I still need to sit down and feed the baby frequently, so they just dive into their toy box (literally) and make a mess and play doctor. She "reads" him books. They watch TV. (Yep, my ultra-strict attitude about the electronic babysitter changed too after three years.) If they're hungry, I tell her she can get grapes out of the fridge. If the baby throws up the contents of his stomach all over me, I can ask Diana or Liam to get towels or burp rags. They're old enough to play by themselves in the back yard and then let themselves in and take their shoes off when they're done. I can throw their lunches onto the table, sit down and feed the baby, and have them climb up into their chairs and feed themselves. Also, touching on the idea of being outnumbered: is there any family in which there are two caregivers at home all day long? My husband works- I was outnumbered as soon as we had two! And now when we go on family outings, one person grabs the older two and the other grabs the baby. It's not so complicated.

I don't want to ignore my older kids, but it's nice to see their relationship with each other develop and deepen. They're more self-sufficient. I'd like to think they have a greater appreciation for what it takes to be a mom because they see everything I do to take care of Matthew, but I know that's not true. They won't fully appreciate everything their parents did for them until they're pacing the floor for the fifth time one late night, covered in four different bodily fluids. Still, I know this has been good for all of us. The nature of dealing with small children means that an easy period can become very difficult in a matter of months or minutes, but so far, this has been a lot easier than I expected- maybe because so many people (so MANY people) gave me dire warnings about having three kids. I fully allow that it might be different when Matthew is crawling around and needs more than just feeding, changing, and sleep, but until then, this has been a pretty easy transition.

So if you too are thinking of stepping off the edge of the world and having more than two children, take heart! It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It's a miracle. You'll love it (especially after that first month). Especially if you can make your peace with not sleeping and dealing with lots of diapers. I jest. But only a little.

(P.S. I know that last paragraph is irrelevant as there are only two people who read this blog, and at least one of them already has more children than I do. Seriously, I don't even think my mom reads this. I hope instead she's busy catching up on the sleep that she lost for years caring for me and my three siblings. I can appreciate that now.)

One month: We made it!

Matthew and his one month accomplishments!

With each baby I remember my mother-in-law's advice to circle the date on the calendar a month after the baby is born. That way in the dark times during the first month when nothing is right, you can look at the calendar and know that at that point, almost all the problems you're facing will be resolved. It has been great advice.

February 2014 will be known in our memories as the month we all made it through (barely). 

Matthew was born an incredibly healthy baby, praise God! He also naturally put himself on a schedule of being asleep for about four hours and awake for an hour or two. We can work with that kind of schedule. I had to get stitches, which I wasn't happy about, but which I was also pretty much expecting. Our difficulties the first couple of weeks mostly involved my recovery. (Spoiler: getting stitches down there is not fun at all and kind of affects everything you want to do, including sitting up, moving around, and walking.) I seemed to be getting better, and then something happened at about two weeks and suddenly my stitches started pulling and stinging. It was so discouraging, since stitches are easily my least favorite part of recovery. I talked with my midwife about it and she said that because of the way she'd had to tie the stitches, they might not have dissolved and may need to be removed. That elicited one of my two breakdowns during our first month. I just broke down and cried at the thought of anyone having to mess with my stitches at all. It probably had nothing at all to do with post-pregnancy hormones. ;) Thankfully, a friend read that I was having problems and stopped by with a bag to help me feel better. It had cold packs, homeopathic arnica montana tablets, a donut pillow, and an herbal sitz bath mix. I could have cried. It was so amazing! I used those for a couple weeks straight and miraculously one day the pain and stitches disappeared. It was such a blessing! That was something I really really wanted to heal up on its own. I'm so glad no one had to look at it or mess with it. 

Breastfeeding was also, pretty much as I expected, excruciatingly painful. I'd describe it as being stabbed repeatedly in one place over and over again. In addition, I managed to develop cracked nipples on both sides, which just made it, if possible, even more painful. I only screamed once. I only broke down sobbing once because I wanted to feed a crying baby but just couldn't face the pain. Mostly I just bit down on a rag and tried to bear it. When I developed cracks, I decided to give myself a break for about ten hours, so I just pumped and fed Matthew from a bottle during that time. After that, things got better very quickly. By about two weeks, breastfeeding was definitely bearable, and mostly painless.

Then The Cold hit.

Not the weather- no, that comes later. Liam was the first to come down with it: a productive cough even

Sick and tired Liam.

though he didn't seem to have a runny nose, and what he indicated was a headache. He was whiny and clingy and generally miserable. A couple days later, the runny nose appeared along with a high fever of 103. The fever (between 101 and 103 degrees), runny nose, and stomach upset continued for FIVE DAYS. Poor little guy just sat miserably on the couch not moving and barely keeping his eyes open the whole time. He tested negative for influenza, so as far as we could tell, he just got the worst cold ever. Three or four days after Liam got sick, Diana and I came down with the cold. Thankfully for adults it just seemed to involve a sore throat, headache, runny nose and cough. I was happy to get sick because I hoped as an EBF (Exclusively BreastFed) baby, Matthew would avoid it entirely that way. Unfortunately, it was so contagious that at the tender age of two weeks old, Matthew ended up catching it too. He didn't get the fever (thank goodness!), but he did get a runny nose and most unfortunately, a cough. It was so sad to watch a little newborn having painful coughing fits. It caused him to spit up more often than he usually did. Thankfully, he still kept gaining weight. But they definitely seemed to bother him. He snuffled and coughed and choked during the night so much that we got another humidifier for our room and put him to sleep in his swing for a couple of weeks until the drainage was mostly gone.

At the same time, there was an unusually heavy snowstorm and we ended up with over a foot of snow at our house and no way to really get out. Imagine, if you will, two sick, sleep-deprived parents, one still healing from having a baby and struggling with painful breastfeeding, the other beginning to feel the effects of cabin fever; two children with coughs and runny noses alternating being listless and being whiny because they're sick and confined to the house; and an infant with his first icky cold. There were some nice moments of family bonding, but there were also some rough times indeed.

So here we are, all healthy again, all healed again. Matthew is growing like crazy (11 lbs 11 oz at his six week appointment!), really tuning into people, and starting to give out more and more smiles. We're getting into a rhythm of being a family of five. I still take sleep where I can get it and only manage to get one thing from my long to-do list accomplished each day, but we're working on adjusting to this new normal. I've been so blessed to have the most amazing help from Joseph, our families, and our friends. They brought food, gave us space when we needed it, watched kids when we needed, and were around to just talk and help around the house. Joseph and I always talk about how we're open to moving because we love travel and new experiences, but I am incredibly grateful that we've been able to spend our family-growing years with such a wonderful community of people. I think it's that and a lot of praying that got us through the first month. I'm excited to see how life changes and keeps getting better in the months to come!

Matthew giving out baby smiles!

Matthew Timothy Sullivan

Early in the morning on Wednesday, January 22nd, we welcomed our sweet new baby boy to the world. He was born at 12:38 AM. He weighed 8 lbs, 10 oz and was 21 inches long.

Though many people thought we were secretly holding out about knowing the gender of our baby, we honestly didn't have a clue. It was about 5 minutes before we even checked. That's how concerned we were about it. ;) We were surprised and delighted to find we had a new baby boy. I think I mentioned before that I thought Liam would enjoy having a little brother to roughhouse with more than Diana would enjoy having a little sister to boss around play with.

His Name

We had a short list of boys names and girls names picked out for our mystery baby. Joseph has known his best friend Matt for over 20 years and wanted to do something to honor that, which is why we went with Matthew. Timothy was a pretty easy middle name choice too. I know a lot of good Timothys: it's my dad's first name, Joseph's dad's middle name, and also the name of my unofficial dad in Virginia. It seemed like a good solid name for a boy. 

Kids' Reactions

Diana holding Matthew for the first time!

Labor with Matthew began to pick up around the kids' bedtime, so we just put them to sleep at home. It wasn't my plan to have them around for the birth since I am LOUD and I worried they would be concerned for me, but labor progressed so quickly that we just let them be. Despite the fact that I was louder than I've ever been, the kids slept through everything. (Also, I am forever grateful to our next-door neighbors for not reporting us to the police through three disturbing-sounding home births.) Liam was the first up the next morning and he blinked thoughtfully, pointed and said "Baby" several times, then made a peace offering of a toy car to the baby. Since the baby didn't seem interested, Liam just went on with his day. Diana was absolutely *IN LOVE* with Matthew. She was excited and immediately wanted to hold him. She looked him over and talked about all the things she would teach him and even hummed him some songs. She loves this baby and will be a wonderful big sister to him. I suspect Liam will be more interested when the baby is more interactive. 

Labor and Delivery

(If you are not interested in all the details, run away NOW.)

I'd had false labor on the Friday before Matthew was born, so I was slightly bitter and determined to ignore any more contractions until the last possible moment. On Tuesday, the day I actually went into labor, I went to the gym, picked up some things at the grocery store, and even went to my scheduled appointment with my midwife. By 2-3 PM, I was having contractions that were decidedly different than Braxton-Hicks. They were deep-inside crampy contractions. But since they weren't particularly strong and were 8-15 minutes apart, depending on whether I was lying down or walking around, I decided to ignore them. I mentioned them to Lisa at our appointment and she told me she bet I would be having my baby that night. I tried not to get my hopes up and went home, where they still weren't very strong or close together, but definitely weren't going away. 

By the time the kids went to bed, contractions were 7-9 minutes apart. After a few hours, they hadn't gotten any closer together and I began to despair that I'd really have a baby. I went to take a shower and the contractions jumped to 2.5 minutes apart. Since I was still not really "feeling" them, I was a little doubtful, but we called Lisa anyway. That was at 11:30 PM. By the time she got to the house, I was on all fours on the floor having to make sounds to get through each contraction. The contractions were deep and involved a lot of back ache, so I moved on to the bed and squeezed Joseph's hands through each one while Lisa rubbed my back. It felt so good. It was late and I was feeling tired, so I was basically quiet and relaxed between contractions. When they came, they were very deep and hard to take. I started yelling through them. The urge to push came not long after they got very strong. After only a few pushes, my water broke and also all hell broke loose. With the last two kids, my water broke only in heavy labor, but with this labor, it basically exploded. (Ew.) I was afraid it had gotten the opposite wall. The midwives said it soaked the bed. At that point, I had no sense of time, but it felt like there were two HUGE pushes and then Matthew's head was out. Huge, frightening pushes. Aside from being pushed way past the point of pain I thought I could take, I was actually a bit terrified. I probably looked like a terrified wild animal. I am surprised I didn't scare the living daylights out of Joseph. I was pulling myself up with his hands, bellowing and screaming to God to please give me my baby, arching my back, and letting my breathing get way out of control. I remember Lisa calling to me to breathe more slowly and not arch my back. It was so scary and intense for me. But it was very quick and his head was out. Another push and his body came out too. One of my favorite miraculous parts of natural childbirth is how once the baby is out, nothing else matters. I went from being terrified and way beyond my pain level to pushing myself up, looking at the baby, rubbing him, and telling him how much I loved him. The labor pain was instantly gone. Of course that was at 12:38, less than an hour after Lisa had arrived.

Matthew cried not long after coming out. He has a healthy set of lungs. His little head was very round and his face wasn't squished, maybe because he spent so little time being pushed out. For my entire pregnancy, I'd been worried that since I had two healthy births, this was the one where something terrible would happen to me or the baby. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. God was with us and taking care of us. I tore again, but I'd kind of expected I would, so the stitches weren't a surprise. Matthew was born with a tongue-tie, so Lisa clipped it before he even tried nursing the first time. I was surprised at how un-phased he was by the very quick process. He cried more at being unwrapped from his warm blankets. 

And that's how our new baby boy came into the world! His eating and waking schedule is currently pretty mixed up, so Joseph and I are getting most of our sleep in the early/late morning. Thankfully, we have lots of help from wonderful family members with our other kids, which is such a blessing. I love my kids and want to be with them, but it really is nice not to have to worry about them, and for Joseph to be able to get some sleep since he's taking care of the kids and house and work these days. I know from experience that these sleepless days that are so frustrating for me because my body is healing and I can't do everything I want to do will pass soon. Soon breastfeeding won't be excruciating, soon we'll be able to massage Matthew's schedule to fit our own, soon I'll be able to help out more around the house and spend time with my big kids. Everything keeps getting better, and we're so happy to have a new baby and for everyone to be healthy. 

Christmas Card 2013

Merry Christmas! And welcome to our Christmas newsletter!

Last year there was *ahem* some disagreement about what kind of Christmas cards we should send out and what pictures we should use. (Cute Christmas cards? Do you include a picture with them? How about a newsletter? Can you just put pictures in that? What about an all-inclusive photo card...?) That culminated in not sending out any cards, so if you didn't get a card from us, it's not because we didn't think of you.

This year, though, is different! Hopefully you've gotten one of our Christmas cards. And to save the trouble (and also paper!) of writing and printing off dozens of newsletters that people may or may not care about, I just included a link to our blog where I'd post a newsletter for people who care.

And I see that *you* are one of the caring few! Aww... A special gift for you at the end of this post. If I could figure out how to make chocolate peppermint cookies appear out of your screen, I would.

So here's what we've been up to this year!

Family Adventures

One of the most exciting developments this year was when we found out we were expecting a new baby Sullivan! Baby is due January 24, 2014. We've been very happy with our choices to have home birth with a midwife for our other kids, so we're planning to do that again for this baby. Since our insurance doesn't cover this route, and since ultrasounds are crazy expensive when they're not covered by insurance, we're going to leave the gender of this baby a surprise. We're already prepared with baby girl and baby boy necessities anyway! You can check back on the main blog page to find out baby's name and gender when we do! (For the record, we were both certain this baby was a boy early on, but now we're both leaning toward girl, so anything could happen.)

Joseph in the new car in Lynchburg, VA.

With a third baby on the way and only a small, faithful sedan to our name, we knew we'd have to upgrade to a larger vehicle. Our main requirement was that the car we found would not be even a little bit like a minivan. After a lot of research, we settled on a 2012 Mazda CX-9, a sporty seven-passenger vehicle with a pretty good fuel economy.  After even more research, we found that the particular car we wanted basically didn't exist on the West Coast. The same model and year could be found in larger quantities for $5,000-$10,000 less in places like Texas, Florida, and Virginia. It made the most economic sense to buy a car from one of those places and then drive it home ourselves. Because we have good friends in Virginia, we bought our car in the Washington, D.C. area. With our two adventurous kids, we traveled from Virginia straight through the middle of the country to West Virginia, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, Colorado, Utah, Idaho, and finally back to Oregon. The entire trip took about two and a half weeks. Along the way we visited friends, stopped in at some fire departments that used Active911 (more on that in the "Joseph" section), took a tour of the nation's playgrounds for leg-stretching and kids' sanity breaks, saw Monticello, visited adorable little towns and local farmer's markets, and learned to be road trip experts. There were lots of charming and picturesque places along the way, but we didn't see anything that compared to our home in the Willamette Valley in Oregon. 

The view from our future driveway.

In fact, we love living in Philomath so much that this year we bought a new piece of property in the same town, only about a mile and a half east of where we live now (in the Neaback Hill area, for those who know Philomath). It's about half an acre in a nicer part of Philomath and on a hillside, so it should have an incredible view of the town, the countryside, and the coast range with Mary's Peak (when it's not covered by clouds) when we finally build a new house. We hope that will be within the next year or two. 

In the meantime, we've still been fixing up our current house. Since buying it in 2010, we (mostly Joseph and his family) have: rewired the house, re-plumbed the entire house out to the water line at the street, removed an old porch and sidewalk, designed and planted a new front yard, poured new front and back patios, insulated and put up new sheet rock in the two bedrooms and hallway, completely torn out and remodeled the bathroom and kitchen, and installed a laundry room and a laundry sink in the garage. Our house is SO much nicer to live in now than it was even when we first bought it! This year, we: installed a new fence, designed and planted a new back yard, put carpet in the bedrooms and hallway, and had someone come to put on a new front porch (that Joseph designed and built) and redo our roof, install new skylights and doors, and replace our icky aluminum siding. The house looks great with the face lift!

Before (top) and After (bottom). Still needs a few cosmetic touches like new paint, but it's already so much better than it was!

Joseph

Joseph during a rare and relaxing weekend at the coast.

Joseph is constantly busy, which is secretly pretty much the way he likes it. There have been some particularly stressful times, but mostly he comes home every day telling us that he is the happiest man he knows and he loves his life. I'd say the year is pretty successful by those standards! 

He is still running two growing businesses. Alyrica Networks is a local wireless internet provider that he helped start about 11 years ago. They've been hiring new employees and have just reached 1,000 customers! However, he stepped away from the day-to-day operations of Alyrica about a year ago to focus on growing his newest company, Active911. Joseph created Active911 when he was part of the Philomath Fire Department and realized it would be much more useful to get information about emergency calls sent to his smart phone rather than listening to a clunky old pager all the time. He designed a messaging system that sent out much more information about each emergency to smart phones and tablets registered to a fire or police department. Emergency responders (firefighters, EMTs, police officers, etc.) using Active911 will get a text alert sent to their phone. Instead of having to hunt through giant map books in their responding vehicles to find the correct address, they also get a digital map in the same text alert that has the emergency location pinpointed, shows information about nearby fire hydrants, etc., and also shows the location and statuses of other emergency responders in the same department so they can see if there are other people on the way. It has been very useful for hundreds of fire and police departments around the country, and has saved some of them thousands of dollars. Instead of complicated and clunky computer systems for their stations and vehicles, they just need some smart phones or tablets and to pay a small fee for the Active911 service each year. Active911 is even used internationally! It's rewarding to Joseph and all his employees to know that they're building a business that is helping people and saving lives.

When he wasn't busy with work, Joseph and his coworkers and some family members joined a local city slow-pitch softball league. Even though he's athletic, Joseph has never played organized sorts before and really enjoyed the experience! He's also gotten pretty good at lap swimming while working out. To relax (as much as someone who loves working can relax), he visited New York City and San Jose del Cabo, Mexico with friends this year.

Nichole

Me and eight months of New Baby

This year I've been keeping busy being the pregnant mom of two very active little ones. It turns out you don't need much more than that to take up all your time. However, I've also been part of an International Moms Group that meets near the Oregon State University campus every week. Most of the international moms are here because their husbands are studying for advanced degrees at OSU and they are new to the country or at least Oregon. Every week we hang out and hear a speaker talk about a child health-related topic while the kids play. Occasionally we have events like cooking demonstrations and holiday parties that are lots of fun. Diana and Liam have been enjoying playing with the other kids (usually between 1.5-2 years old). I also got to take a solo trip this year back to see my friend in the D.C. area and her brand new baby!! It was so much fun seeing them (and holding a warm, snuggly baby!), but a very strange experience to be away from Joseph and the kids for four days.

Diana

Our Diana Bean turned three years old this year! She is a smart girl who loves learning, talking, reading, singing, and alternately spending quiet time by herself and spending quality time with people. We have our struggles- in particular, her eczema, which we are still trying to cope with after seeing multiple doctors- but in general, she is a happy and healthy three-year-old. She knows her alphabet well and can identify all the letters in a word and even sound out small, simple words like "dad," "cat," "mom," etc. I think she will be excited to start reading. She has already memorized most of the stories in her books anyway. She likes the library, playing at parks, and roughhousing or going on walks and stargazing

Diana the flower girl

with her dad. She is beginning to be interested in Disney Princesses (Yessss! Soon I'll be able to justify a trip to Disneyland!), but still loves trucks, trains, and robots. Some of her favorite books right now are, Good Night, Good Night, Construction Site and Steam Train, Dream Train. This year, Diana got to be the flower girl in a friend's wedding, and what an adorable flower girl she was! She loved her "princess dress," and still talks about weddings. According to Diana, a wedding is when you get married, but most importantly, there is a party with cake and FIRE! (Her fire obsession may lead to a career in the fire department like her daddy.) 

Liam

There never was a louder, goofier, happier, more energetic or people-loving boy than Liam. He is incredibly good-natured. He's a year and a half old now, and running and roaring around everywhere, creating happy chaos. He doesn't speak in sentences, but he knows a lot of words and communicates well by using the words he knows and his incredibly expressive face. Mostly he loves to laugh and be with people. Currently he has a small obsession with Elmo and Cookie Monster. He also likes for people to read books to him, but mostly if there are lots of sound effects and hand gestures to accompany the story. He loves his sister, and he loves babies. I hope this will still be the case when the new baby comes along. Right now he has three baby cousins under six months old, and two of them live nearby. He loves those babies. I think he'll make a good big brother.

Our 2013 was full of growing families, growing businesses, travel, home improvements, and happy, busy times with friends and family. I don't think you can ask for much more than that. We have been incredibly blessed. We look forward to 2014, especially meeting the newest member of our family.

And now, for you caring few, a selection of hilarious pictures that we didn't include in the Christmas cards because there was always someone or other who didn't look quite right. Enjoy, Merry Christmas, and have a happy New Year!

This picture would be adorable... if Liam didn't look like he didn't trust the photographer...

Great picture of mom and dad. Diana looks very relaxed and Liam again looks like he is suspicious of everyone.

And, for what it's worth, a picture showing that Liam was actually happy during the photo shoot.

Home Birth FAQ

Mothers love to share birth experiences with each other. Actually, everyone loves to share birth experiences with mothers. I've heard birth stories from husbands and parents and siblings of mothers. As soon as I share that I've had two natural home births, people usually have one of two reactions: the minority are genuinely curious about how I liked it and how it worked. Sometimes they've even been looking into home birth themselves. The majority, though, look at me with horror, like I'm some kind of negligent hippie freak, and after a few condescending questions try to nervously redirect the conversation. Here are some of my most frequently asked questions about home birth:

Q: Home birth? Ugh, I could never do that. I wanted pain meds.
A: If you wanted them, then I'm glad you had them! I wish every woman's birth experience would go the way she wanted, if it was safe for the baby.

Q: Wow. I couldn't have done that. I wanted the option of professional medical care right away if my baby or I needed it. 
A: So did I. That's why I chose a midwife to attend my births who is a Licensed Direct-Entry Midwife (LDM) and a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) who has attended over 1000 births and has only excellent recommendations from other mothers in the area. Oregon LDMs are trained in and authorized to use oxygen, IV therapy, anti-hemorrhagic medications, local anesthetics for suturing and vitamin K and ophthalmic antibiotics for newborns. Oregon LDMs can order lab work, obstetric ultrasound and newborn metabolic screening. And she has the experience to know when it's time to take a woman and her baby to the hospital, where she is a wonderful patient advocate for both mom and baby. If I hadn't wanted experienced professional medical care, I would have just had my babies at home with my husband. (That actually never would have worked. He was an EMT and had possibly a negative amount of interest in delivering babies himself.) Or I would have built a mud birthing hut in our back yard. (And, realistically, everything still would have been fine, though a lot less comfortable.)

Q: Home birth wasn't an option for me. I had medical problems/ My baby had medical problems/ I have a family history... it's a good thing I was in the hospital.
A: Then I am glad you were in the hospital too. I have known people with "family histories" who had successful home births, and I've known women who were otherwise healthy and wanted a home birth and ended up needing to go to the hospital. If you wanted or needed to be in a hospital, I'm glad you and your baby were there.

Q: ...It's a good thing we were in the hospital: the cord was wrapped around my baby's neck!
A: I know, right? Mine too. What with not having any room and moving all those little limbs out of a relatively tiny space, umbilical cords get tangled all up in babies' business all the time. Diana was born with the cord around her neck- Lisa just unwound it. She's seen babies born with the cord wrapped multiple times around necks, shoulders, etc. It just has to be untangled. It's usually not as big a deal as the movies would have you think it is.

Q: So what about all the required tests/examinations/vaccinations you/your baby gets at the hospital? Does your midwife perform those? 
A: Yes, she performs the newborn screening "heel prick test" that is required in Oregon to check newborns for a host of potentially worrisome conditions. She can do vitamin K injections and newborn eye drops. I think you have to take your baby to a pediatrician to do most of the other vaccinations a hospital would perform right after birth. She tells you about what vaccinations and procedures newborns would normally have performed on them in hospitals, and you can opt out of some of them, I just can't remember what they are right now.

As you can see, most of the questions I get aren't questions at all. In fact, mostly people get very defensive when they hear I've had home births. Look, babies are born every day naturally, by C-section, by VBAC, in hospitals, in taxis on the way to the hospital, breech, with epidurals, in a yurt, etc. I'm not trying to convert people to a home birth mentality. Sometimes when I'm in groups of other mothers, if someone shows an interest in home birth, the other mothers will actually rally to try to dissuade them from it, saying they can have natural-birth options in a hospital or birth center setting. Of course that's completely true, but honestly it feels like I am spreading a dangerous idea that other women need to be protected from. Seriously. The prevailing unspoken response I get from most people is that I am a selfish idiot having children via witch doctor in a mud hut. Are they worried I am trying to trump their birth experiences by saying I've gone all-natural and not even in a hospital?

Personally, I think we're completely indoctrinated throughout our lives with the idea that women and babies need professional medical intervention during pregnancy and the birth process. There is an overall feeling of fear about the whole thing. (Not that it's completely unwarranted- the United States does, after all, even with it's advanced medical system, account for more than half of all first-day deaths of newborns in the industrialized world. That's about 11,300 babies. In addition, American mothers have the same maternal death rate as mothers in Iran, according to the most recent State of the World's Mothers Report.) New moms and dads are consumed with worry about birth, as if babies and women's bodies weren't made for it. When we interviewed the midwife who has delivered two of my babies, many of my nieces and nephews, and even some Joseph's siblings, she described herself as a lifeguard, which is exactly what she acted like during my births and was exactly what we wanted. I liked that every step of the way during pregnancy and labor, she only ever made me feel confident that if I kept myself healthy physically and mentally, I would have no problem having a baby.

Here are some questions nobody ever asks me:

Q: Why did you choose home birth?
A: I chose home birth because I believe women's bodies were designed to handle childbirth. I am a private person and I hate doctors, examinations, and hospitals, but of course none of that would have mattered if I had thought that a hospital birth would be best for my babies. I don't like the idea so prevalent in the American medical system that everything is a dire problem coupled with my experience that doctors never have a solution or really any idea what the problem is exactly. If I didn't have to be a part of that system, I wanted to try a peaceful experience with a few people I trusted because I feel that childbirth is an intensely personal event that I want to own, instead of being in the passenger's seat directed by doctors who are probably more comfortable with medical intervention.

Q: Did you enjoy the experience? Would you do it again?
A: I enjoyed it so much I did it twice and hope to do it a third! I don't have a hospital birth experience to compare it to, but I can say that it worked for me and it was exactly what I hoped for. Someone put on peaceful music, I never felt rushed, I received a few words of encouragement and some helpful suggestions, and I was left to do my own work. My EMT husband was impressed by my midwives' knowledge and medical expertise and my mother (who was amazingly skeptical of home birth during my first birth) was impressed by how beautiful and peaceful the whole process was. (She even told me she wondered why she hadn't done that with her kids!) And can I say again how much I loved my midwives? Lisa was amazingly supportive and knowledgeable. She checked my babies' heart rate throughout labor to make sure they were doing well. I never worried about my kids with her around. Her assistant, Rachel, (who is now a licensed midwife herself) was also sweet and supportive. I had various complications with healing and nursing in the early weeks of having newborns, and I called Lisa day and night to ask her questions or just talk.

Q: How did you evaluate the pros and cons? Weren't you concerned for your baby in case of an emergency?
A: Especially during my first pregnancy, we worried (like most new parents) that there would be some medical emergency and we would lose precious minutes needing to transport to a hospital to get more care than the midwives' could offer. However, when we evaluated the likelihood of a medical emergency, it seemed like we were taking a comparatively small risk having our baby at home. Once we saw how "normal" my births were, we became more confident that we had made the right decision. And in the intervening years we've had the opportunity to hear from friends and family members how Lisa reacted in the event of medical emergencies during birth and I'm pretty certain that we'd be in good hands.

Anyone have any questions? Did you get the birth experience you wanted? If you had a home birth, have you had the same experiences with other people and mothers? Am I really just a selfish hippie freak who consorts with witch doctors and preaches heretical ideas about birth at the risk of my children's health? Comment below!

Baby is a....

Today we went in for New Baby's first ultrasound. We're very happy going the home birth-midwife route, and insurance doesn't cover that, so it doesn't cover full diagnostic ultrasounds either. Luckily, occasionally our local Pregnancy Resource Center puts out a call for ultrasound models to train their nursing staff. The ultrasound is free (!) they just can't medically diagnose anything, including gender. It's great if you just want to make sure there is indeed a baby (instead of a pterodactyl or something) in there, that they have all their limbs and vital organs, and they're moving around in a healthy way. Since that's mostly what we want to do, it's a great fit for us. Unfortunately, I'm terrible at reading ultrasounds. ("Oh, is that it's little eye? It's the stomach, you say?')

I remember when we had Diana's done around 20 weeks and the tech was repeatedly scanning the Area in Question and asking "Does that look like anything to you?" "Can you see anything that's there or missing...?" No, I couldn't. Joey thought afterward that he saw a distinct lack of anything, and he was right. The same thing happened at Liam's ultrasound and he definitely thought Something was there. Later on, to satisfy my curiosity (in a very expensive way), we had a full diagnostic ultrasound done at the local hospital and confirmed that Liam was our Liam boy. This time, Joseph wasn't able to make it, so I didn't have any help. In fact, I had two small people in the room gleefully competing to make the loudest dinosaur scream, which is the opposite of help.

(Oh my gosh, Nichole, we don't even care about your rambling. We're just here to see whether you're having a boy or a girl. JUST TELL US IF IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL.)

I have an oversharing problem, and I warn you all it's just going to get worse as this pregnancy goes on. Anyway, when the Area in Question was scanned in passing a couple of times, I really thought I distinctly saw Something. However, as the nurse pointed out later, the cord was showing up very strongly, so I might have been seeing the cord passing over the Area in Question and connecting to the body. When I asked if they could just scan that general area again for my sake, though I knew they couldn't tell me anything, they came up from the underside, as if the baby was sitting on a glass table and we were looking up from underneath. Honestly, I didn't see anything there. So who knows, maybe we're having another girl. Rather than spend $200 and a trip to Portland to get a diagnostic ultrasound when we're pretty sure the baby is healthy otherwise, I think we're just going to leave this one a surprise. We're already prepared either way. We're not hoping for one more than another. I think Liam would probably appreciate having a little brother to rough house around with (Heaven help us all) more than Diana would enjoy having a little sister, but I know I'd have fun dressing up another little girl. (Moms of girls know they have a way better clothing/accessory selection.) We already have a short list of boy names, so we'll pick some girl names and be surprised in late January, I guess!

Baby in profile at 21 weeks! Can you see the little heart? It was beating at 140 bpm.

Another baby profile shot.

Next Baby

Stop! It's a trap!

You probably followed this link here from Facebook, thinking you'd read about how I've been feeling physically this past twelve weeks. On that subject, Liz Lemon said it best, because she says everything best: "Oh, little achy and nauseous, but I'm hanging in there." We'll get to that in a few paragraphs. (I saw you, you were just going to skip down a few paragraphs and see if you could find the non-hormonal and ranty stuff. Forget it, buddy.)

Instead, I'm going to address how I'm feeling that I'm pregnant, because that seems to be a much more important issue. 

When we had Liam, we would have been just as thrilled if he'd been a girl, but instead we got our Liam boy. It was great. And apparently, we'd won the genetic lottery, or so EVERYONE told us. Friends, acquaintances, and especially complete strangers would congratulate us. "How wonderful," they said, "you have a girl and a boy! Now you can be done!" It's a little gratifying to be congratulated, but also puzzling. Now we can be done? Sometimes it was much more certain. "Oh good. You're done!" Joseph even had a stranger say it almost as an order, as if we shouldn't have any more children. 

I don't go in for conspiracy theories, and I don't believe there's a war on large families, but why is two children the perfect number? Joseph's family is one of the happiest I've ever met and there are 13 children. (P.S. Thirteen is not the number we're shooting for.) Adjusting to two children was exponentially harder than adjusting to one. It was a real challenge for the first few months. Sometimes it's still a challenge, and Joseph and I weren't certain that we were ready to be outnumbered, because the chaos of dinner and bedtime is so much easier when we can each take one child, or if I can help/carry/care for one child with each hand. But as Liam grew up and needed less babying, we wondered if a family with just two children would seem small. 

We've been uncertain about the idea of growing our family for a while now, and most of our friends and family knew it, so maybe that threw some people off. But it has become very apparent that with this pregnancy we have stepped from the sparkling pedestal of family-of-four bliss to the realm of "You idiots, you just ruined your lives." It's uncanny. It's actually quite baffling. Some of the first reactions I received when revealing I was pregnant were "Congratulations, I guess. You know it's going to get a lot harder," and "I'm sorry this happened to you at such a busy time."

Can I just take a moment to address those thoughts? "You know it's going to get a lot harder"??? Really?? I had no idea! I'm already pregnant, so what on earth did they suppose I was going to do about it at that point?? I think I replied, "Well, we'll handle it." What else can I do except handle it? "I'm sorry this happened to you"?? I'm not! This isn't a disease, this is a baby! Soon it will be just like the adorable kids I have running around me. 

Those are easily the most extreme responses, but they aren't uncommon. Strangers don't congratulate us now. When people hear we're expecting, the reply is "Oh!....." occasionally with some weak fake enthusiasm.

There have been some people that were genuinely happy for us, and we appreciate every one of them. If you were one of those people, thank you. Parenting is hard enough without getting any negativity. Even if parents seem completely fine, cheerful support is always appreciated. 

So for both of you still reading at this point, I would like to address some very important points about this pregnancy:

This baby is wanted, loved, and expected.

This baby was given to us by God, created in the image of God, and as an amazing gift to us, it is a combination of us: two people who love each other deeply. How amazing! How lucky we are! Of course we love this baby. From the moment we knew we were expecting another baby, it was a welcome member of our family. Sure, we're not sure how it will be adjusting to three kids, but we'll manage it, and the chaos and uncertainty doesn't mean we love any of our kids less. Also, it always baffles me when married people are asked "So was [your baby] a surprise?" Since marriage involves sex and since sex makes babies... and since no birth control is 100% effective... can any baby be completely a surprise? Really? We're two intelligent people who know how this works. This baby was not a surprise, nor an accident. We hadn't made up our minds about having more kids, so we knew it was only a matter of time before I got pregnant again, and we were both okay with that. 

Q: "What are you hoping for??"

A: A healthy baby. A genius would be nice. Somehow we need to vicariously live out our dreams of Rhodes
Scholarship. (I'm going to be disappointed with one gender or another? Come on, there are so many more important things to worry about.)

And that's pretty much it. I've been holding all that hormonal ranting in for eight weeks now. You're welcome. If you're one of the two people who had the time and/or stamina to read this post to the end, well done! Now we get to the more mundane stuff:

With the third pregnancy, you don't get a lot of time to focus on being pregnant. Weeks 8-11 were pretty rough for me. I was really tired all the time and nauseous, especially in the evening. The smell of raw onions made me gag. I didn't feel like eating anything at all, though I usually felt better if I had something plain. Preggie Pop Drops saved me for those few weeks. Initially I craved LOTS of red meat, which makes Joseph think this baby must be a boy, but after that it was mostly carbs and sodium. I ate lots of sour cream and onion chips, ramen, pasta, and chicken nuggets. I know it's not healthy, but when the thought of most food makes you sick, you go with what you can. I'm feeling almost back to normal now, though Pinterest with all its pictures of food still sometimes makes me nauseous. 

That's all, folks. I'm already feeling healthier going into this pregnancy than I did with Liam, and I got more time to recover and enjoy my baby, so that was a nice vacation from being pregnant. I'm due January 24 (give or take two weeks, of course), at which point Diana will be three and Liam will be almost two (20 months). Keep checking back for more pregnancy updates.