One month: We made it!

Matthew and his one month accomplishments!

With each baby I remember my mother-in-law's advice to circle the date on the calendar a month after the baby is born. That way in the dark times during the first month when nothing is right, you can look at the calendar and know that at that point, almost all the problems you're facing will be resolved. It has been great advice.

February 2014 will be known in our memories as the month we all made it through (barely). 

Matthew was born an incredibly healthy baby, praise God! He also naturally put himself on a schedule of being asleep for about four hours and awake for an hour or two. We can work with that kind of schedule. I had to get stitches, which I wasn't happy about, but which I was also pretty much expecting. Our difficulties the first couple of weeks mostly involved my recovery. (Spoiler: getting stitches down there is not fun at all and kind of affects everything you want to do, including sitting up, moving around, and walking.) I seemed to be getting better, and then something happened at about two weeks and suddenly my stitches started pulling and stinging. It was so discouraging, since stitches are easily my least favorite part of recovery. I talked with my midwife about it and she said that because of the way she'd had to tie the stitches, they might not have dissolved and may need to be removed. That elicited one of my two breakdowns during our first month. I just broke down and cried at the thought of anyone having to mess with my stitches at all. It probably had nothing at all to do with post-pregnancy hormones. ;) Thankfully, a friend read that I was having problems and stopped by with a bag to help me feel better. It had cold packs, homeopathic arnica montana tablets, a donut pillow, and an herbal sitz bath mix. I could have cried. It was so amazing! I used those for a couple weeks straight and miraculously one day the pain and stitches disappeared. It was such a blessing! That was something I really really wanted to heal up on its own. I'm so glad no one had to look at it or mess with it. 

Breastfeeding was also, pretty much as I expected, excruciatingly painful. I'd describe it as being stabbed repeatedly in one place over and over again. In addition, I managed to develop cracked nipples on both sides, which just made it, if possible, even more painful. I only screamed once. I only broke down sobbing once because I wanted to feed a crying baby but just couldn't face the pain. Mostly I just bit down on a rag and tried to bear it. When I developed cracks, I decided to give myself a break for about ten hours, so I just pumped and fed Matthew from a bottle during that time. After that, things got better very quickly. By about two weeks, breastfeeding was definitely bearable, and mostly painless.

Then The Cold hit.

Not the weather- no, that comes later. Liam was the first to come down with it: a productive cough even

Sick and tired Liam.

though he didn't seem to have a runny nose, and what he indicated was a headache. He was whiny and clingy and generally miserable. A couple days later, the runny nose appeared along with a high fever of 103. The fever (between 101 and 103 degrees), runny nose, and stomach upset continued for FIVE DAYS. Poor little guy just sat miserably on the couch not moving and barely keeping his eyes open the whole time. He tested negative for influenza, so as far as we could tell, he just got the worst cold ever. Three or four days after Liam got sick, Diana and I came down with the cold. Thankfully for adults it just seemed to involve a sore throat, headache, runny nose and cough. I was happy to get sick because I hoped as an EBF (Exclusively BreastFed) baby, Matthew would avoid it entirely that way. Unfortunately, it was so contagious that at the tender age of two weeks old, Matthew ended up catching it too. He didn't get the fever (thank goodness!), but he did get a runny nose and most unfortunately, a cough. It was so sad to watch a little newborn having painful coughing fits. It caused him to spit up more often than he usually did. Thankfully, he still kept gaining weight. But they definitely seemed to bother him. He snuffled and coughed and choked during the night so much that we got another humidifier for our room and put him to sleep in his swing for a couple of weeks until the drainage was mostly gone.

At the same time, there was an unusually heavy snowstorm and we ended up with over a foot of snow at our house and no way to really get out. Imagine, if you will, two sick, sleep-deprived parents, one still healing from having a baby and struggling with painful breastfeeding, the other beginning to feel the effects of cabin fever; two children with coughs and runny noses alternating being listless and being whiny because they're sick and confined to the house; and an infant with his first icky cold. There were some nice moments of family bonding, but there were also some rough times indeed.

So here we are, all healthy again, all healed again. Matthew is growing like crazy (11 lbs 11 oz at his six week appointment!), really tuning into people, and starting to give out more and more smiles. We're getting into a rhythm of being a family of five. I still take sleep where I can get it and only manage to get one thing from my long to-do list accomplished each day, but we're working on adjusting to this new normal. I've been so blessed to have the most amazing help from Joseph, our families, and our friends. They brought food, gave us space when we needed it, watched kids when we needed, and were around to just talk and help around the house. Joseph and I always talk about how we're open to moving because we love travel and new experiences, but I am incredibly grateful that we've been able to spend our family-growing years with such a wonderful community of people. I think it's that and a lot of praying that got us through the first month. I'm excited to see how life changes and keeps getting better in the months to come!

Matthew giving out baby smiles!

Two months

After Liam was born, I spent a week recovering from giving birth, another week recovering from mastitis, another week fighting thrush and horrendous nursing problems, one week being the sole caretaker for the kids because Joseph came down with a nasty cold, another week taking care of a sick Diana and recovering from the cold myself. So if you didn't hear from us for about five or six weeks after Liam was born, that was why! Things have only been really "normal" for a week or two. Here's what's been going on with the kiddos:

Liam looking around and waving his arms.

Liam loves his daddy.

Two month old Liam!

Liam

Liam and "Wondrous Sister" Diana

Liam continues to be an incredibly sweet and reasonable baby who just loves people. He's even started to replace the all-purpose crying with different vocalizations. Instead of crying, he'll do a little yell or two to indicate that he's awake and wants to be fed. He really loves looking at people and smiling and practicing his cooing and talking. He is already laughing. He likes just interacting with me so much that he'll stop nursing just so he can gaze up at me, practice his giant charming smiles and coo and babble at me. He resists when I try to put him back on- he'd rather be talking and smiling at each other instead! Liam is completely in awe of Diana. We call her "Wondrous Sister," because he is just so completely amazed by everything she is and does. He has some of his biggest and most immediate smiles for her when she comes close or notices him. I think she is a big part of the reason he is starting to vocalize earlier than she did.

Diana goes to bed at 8 and his bedtime is at 10, so I basically spend the last two hours before his bedtime nursing him, snuggling with him, giving him a bath, nursing him again, smiling and talking with him, nursing him again... no wonder he doesn't want to go to bed.

Despite Liam's Very Reasonable nature, we've begun sleep training. Liam still likes to spend a lot of time sleeping, but he'll only go to sleep if he swings to sleep or is nursed to sleep. We think it's important for babies to be able to soothe and comfort themselves. So at 10:00, all the lights go out, his fan goes on for white noise, and after making sure all his needs are met (he's completely fed, clean, and burped), we put him down in his bed. If he's yelling (which he usually does, since he doesn't like to be alone), we check on him every 15 minutes to burp and change him if he needs it. Usually this is daddy's job. Mommy means food and snuggles, daddy means business. When daddy gets Liam at night, he knows he'll be taken care of, but that it's not time for more nursing and snuggling. He has to wait for at least two hours (since night time is time for sleeping!) for his midnight feeding. He's welcome to yell for those two hours if he wants. After only a couple of nights, our very smart boy has already reduced his yelling when he's put down for bed. Mostly he complains for about 30 minutes and then falls asleep. Tonight, less than a week after we started sleep training, he started dozing off while nursing around 9:30, rubbed his adorable chubby face a few times after I put him down and fell very soundly asleep. YES.

Adorable Liam taking a break from eating.

Despite all the problems of only nine weeks ago, breastfeeding Liam has become a joy and is completely easy. Joseph has observed that I've moved to the next level: "ninja breastfeeding." I can stealthily nurse Liam in restaurants, in bed. I can walk around while feeding him or get Diana another bowl of applesauce. My mom often asks me, "Aren't you glad you stuck with it?" Yes! I have been through the valley of the shadow of quitting. I often wondered if the breastfeeding wasn't actually more painful than the childbirth itself. I personally believe that breastfeeding is best, but I absolutely wouldn't judge anyone who decided to formula feed their babies, because I was so, so close to deciding to do that too. But I was stubborn enough to stick with it and now it's wonderful (and convenient!). When Liam is very hungry, he snuffles around, gives a little roar, and uses his baby abs to hurl himself face-first at the right spot. When he first latches on, his mouth works wildly and his eyes roll around in his head like a little tyrannosaur, as if he's daring anyone to take away what he's rightfully gotten in his mouth. When the let-down comes, his eyelids flutter and his eyes roll back in his head dreamily. It's so funny and heartwarming to watch. He's such a little character. Very Cespedes-like. ;)

Diana

Diana is growing and learning so much. Excuse my stream of consciousness style, it's the only way I can remember it all: 

Charges various objects to be "careful." (Maybe I say it too much?) "Careful, cup. Careful, shoes. Careful, outside. Careful, man."

Has learned "booger" and "toots." Now enjoys saying "mommy toots" repeatedly, regardless of veracity. I'm so glad I taught her these things.

Very fond of saying "good job!" I was awarded full-tuition scholarships as well as some private scholarships, I completed undergraduate research in bioengineering and oceanography, I wrote and defended a thesis, I worked three jobs in college, I presented research at a major conference, I graduated college, I traveled the world, and the most significant achievement in my life currently is using the potty like a big girl, a feat which amazes my daughter and elicits a "good job, mama!"

Does well with identifying colors and is surprisingly good with recognizing numbers. For example, she can identify when there are two zebras in the book we're reading and can recognize the number 3. If I say "two," she will follow with "three," and if I say "six," she'll say "seven."

Silly girl just had to sleep with her sunglasses.

We've read all her board books dozens of times, so we're starting to move on. She enjoys  P.D. Eastman's books, like "Go, Dog, Go!" We've also started to visit the library regularly. It's like a wonderland to her. She runs around plucking out books at random. I feel like I should be leaving tips for the librarians to repay them for all the reshelving that needs to be done after Diana has made her rounds.

Beginning to add imagination to her play. She will put rocks on a chair and call them "food" and pretend to eat them. She also has a giant stuffed lion that she carries around. When she lays it down, it is taking a "nap" and she will even give it a blanket.

She wants to know names for everything! I can't even begin to estimate the number of times I hear "wha dat?" each day. After I tell her, she very carefully repeats the word, sometimes several times, until she has it almost exactly right. It's pretty adorable. She also wants to learn the names of people, and has a surprisingly good memory for faces and names. This will be useful to her as she has four grandparents, ten aunts, ten uncles, and ten cousins. That's assuming I didn't forget any. She also uses pronouns and possessives "my tummy," "my bag," "I'm here!" "I'm stuck," sometimes with a little bit of a British accent from watching too much Kipper.

Imitates things that we say, especially those that we don't realize we say very often. "Do you mind?" "I got it! (I can do it)" "Excuse me." "No no, Diana! Ohhhh, Diana..." She'll also imitate other people, which is why we have to officially stop watching grown-up shows around her. We like a variety of TV shows: The West Wing, The Office, Community, 30 Rock, and Parks and Recreation. Of all those, Parks and Rec seems to be the "friendliest," in that the characters are generally happy and don't spend most of the time yelling at each other in what might be a very unsettling way for a toddler to watch. So if mommy and daddy want to watch something around Diana that isn't Kipper (her favorite cartoon), we watch Parks and Rec ("Leslie show!"). However, this morning Diana stumbled over a toy and very softly but very definitely said "dammit." What a shock for a parent to hear from her precious little toddler! Especially since she's not exposed to swearing in our house or anywhere else that I can think of. The only thing I can imagine is that it came from TV, so we'll have to stop that while she's around.

She very much enjoys imitating our actions, especially mine. She knows that I put on makeup most days and wants to hold my "mas-cara" and dab it on her eyes. She'll use cylindrical blocks as lip balm, "like mama."

She loves to help. She carefully observes (and usually gets in the way of) everything we do, but the best way I've found to get Diana to stop being a nuisance is to get her involved. She helps me unload the dishwasher by handing me the silverware and some of the smaller plates. I'll fill up Nova's food bowl in the garage and let Diana carry it back inside the house. She helps me prune flowers, make pancakes, sweep, mop, change Liam's diaper, and anything else I'll allow her to do. I can expect a certain amount of mess whenever she helps, but she is just so thrilled whenever she's allowed to help me that it's definitely worth the time it takes to clean up.

Joseph's mom rightly observed that Diana was quite the naturalist. She loves being outside. It makes me feel bad that we don't go outside more often since we don't have a fenced-in yard. Our back yard is currently a giant exhibit of all the native weeds of western Oregon, so she mostly runs around in the front. She likes sunshine and running (and rolling) around in the grass, smelling and picking flowers, watching bees, and picking anything berry-like off plants. Parks are her favorite thing in the world, especially if they have playgrounds. She has, terrifyingly, learned to scale ladders to giant slides, so we need to keep a close eye on her. I can't believe that this is the same girl who was just learning to sit up a year ago!

We've begun potty training. We've begun potty training. I read a blog post by a woman who potty-trained her 18 month old in a week and used that as my inspiration. Admittedly, the toddler had an older brother who set an example for her, but I figured it still might work for us. Basically, she gathered as much potty-training material for her daughter as she could find at her local library, made her daughter familiar with the potty and what it was for, and stayed home for a week allowing her daughter to run around without a diaper. We've had mild success. When coupled with mommy enforcing potty time every 15 minutes or so, Diana can "hold it" long enough to do her business in the potty. (Hooray!) However, if I leave it completely up to her discretion, sometimes disaster results. Keep in mind that this method is already difficult because Diana's eczema is so bad that whenever she has bare legs, she will attack them and savagely scratch them until they bleed. I had to cut the toes off a pair of Joseph's soft dress socks and put them on her legs. Yesterday she came out with me to get the mail, a fashion plate in Joseph's dark dress socks and her too-big orange dress, and she made a slight detour to run around on the grass. She bent here to look at the grass, she squatted there to look at a bee...or so I thought. I told her it was time to come inside, she obediently ran to me and then completely nonchalantly dropped a pookie on our sidewalk, right there in front of me, the good Lord, and the whole world. I was speechless. So was she. I hesistatingly explained to her that she'd made a mess outside instead of in her potty and that pookies belonged in the potty. It didn't appear to really sink in. When I went outside to clean it up, it turned out the dog had helpfully slurped some up, making my day doubly gross. Things I never expected to deal with as a mother...

Overall, we have two fantastic and healthy kids and it is easier every day to be a family of four. I really need to get to bed, but next time I post, I'll include more about recovery, adjusting to motherhood, and our travel plans for the fall!

One month on

This has to be quick since I'm writing during that precious, rare and magical time in which both children are napping at once.

Some of the best baby advice I ever received was from my mother-in-law, a wonderful woman who had 13 amazing children, so she knows babies pretty well. When my husband and I went to his parents' house shortly after Diana was born, probably with haggard and desperate looks in our eyes, she told me that she always used to circle the date on the calendar one month after the baby was born. Then, in the middle of the late, tired nights and long hectic days when it seemed like things would never be the same again, she could look at the calendar and know that most of the seemingly overwhelming problems associated with having a new baby would be resolved by that day.

She was absolutely right! I've found that to be true for both of my babies. Despite bouts of mastitis, thrush, and some excruciating breastfeeding problems, I am feeling almost back to normal. Our nursing problems may be related to the fact that Liam seems unable to open his mouth quite as wide when he turns his head to his right side. That possibly accounted for our latch problems and may be something we can fix with some gentle physical therapy. In the meantime, I just switched my positioning to the "football hold" on my left side and we can now nurse painlessly. The other side just healed itself once I worked with him a little bit to train him to open his mouth wider. I realize again just what a wonderful, natural and convenient thing nursing is. Hallelujah!

Liam is a healthy growing boy. He still mostly sleeps four hours at a time, but he's starting to spend more time awake after feedings looking around and occasionally giving out precious giant baby smiles. Mostly he seems to like smiling at his daddy. Go figure. I got a daddy's girl and a daddy's boy. ;) I don't really mind. I love that our kids seem to love Joseph right off the bat.

Our biggest trouble with Liam isn't really too bad at all. He puts himself on a four hour feeding schedule, but often he wakes up to eat exactly when Diana is going to sleep- robbing me of a chance to get anything done (or, you know, sleep)- and goes to sleep just when Diana is waking up. Sleep deprivation is starting to really catch up with me, so we wanted to try massaging his natural schedule into something more convenient for us. If everything goes well, it even allows time for me to get some cleaning and personal time. We started this schedule just a couple of days ago, much later than we started with Diana, mostly because her natural schedule was a little more demanding and we needed to make her fit into our lifestyle or go completely crazy and never spend any time with each other until she was several years old. Since Liam was so reasonable, we gave him more leeway.

Of course, once we made plans, life changed. I took some allergy medicine that made Liam especially drowsy, so I had to try waking him up to feed, but he didn't seem particularly interested in eating. I tried some different allergy medicine that unfortunately had the same effect on him. At the same time, Diana and I both caught a cold that Joseph had, so now we're all just trying to catch sleep when we can. I'm getting up to feed Liam whenever he wakes up, since he sometimes sleeps for 10 hours (until the medicine passes through my system) and is ravenous when he wakes up.

Overall, colds and allergies aside, life is going well. I'm even starting to do some light working out which feels amazing! I'll post more updates about Diana and our family later.

Advice to moms

The dark days of having a newborn are mostly behind us and it is marvelous. However, I stumbled on this document that I wrote shortly after having Diana. It's a collection of advice and reminders I intended for other new moms and for myself when I had another baby. It was based on my experiences as a shell-shocked new mother, so it carries the notes of my desperation. I found these things to be as true after having Liam as they were when I had Diana, so I thought I'd share them.

As a brand new mother, I felt like I had been duped. People will tell you in vague terms that having a baby is "hard" and "an adjustment," but I felt like there were so many vital things that no one ever mentioned to me. Instead I had to learn them on my own. In retrospect, it seems that the best and maybe the only way any mother will ever learn these sorts of things is on her own. Even if someone had explained these to me, I doubt I would have listened much or known how much they would affect me.

Things I wish I'd known before having a baby

• Things WILL get better down there- you will walk, exercise and have sex again.
• You will probably overproduce milk (regulation takes 3-4 weeks). For what it's worth, my body regulated itself within about a week with my second child, but for the first four weeks with my first, it was basically not worth it to even wear clothes or put any on her. I would just soak them all within a few hours. I felt almost inhuman sometimes. It gets better, it just takes a few weeks. In the meantime, pump and store. That three week growth spurt comes up faster than you'd expect. And there's a chance that at some point in your life you'll want to get extra sleep or let someone else watch the baby and it always helps to have a bottle around for that.
• Nursing, the most natural thing in the world, is not. Breastfeeding. sweet heavens, the breastfeeding. You may scream. You may wonder if God is punishing ALL of your lady parts. If you meet someone who tells you that breastfeeding is the most sweet and natural thing in the world, hit them in the face. Aim for the jaw. It will be an excellent catharsis for all the stress you store up in your body over any of the multitude of problems you may be experiencing just trying to feed your voracious crocodile hungry baby. You are not the only one who has been found in the early hours of the morning sobbing over your child who is crying for food (again) because you just don't want to expose your aching nipples to more agony. There are others. It will get better. Give it a month. If you are resolved to breastfeed your child no matter what, you may JUST make it. It will make you a stronger person than you thought you could ever be. Spoiler: it does not get easier with subsequent children, the problems just become more familiar.
• Sometimes your attitude really is everything- Be positive. I had so many problems recovering after having my first child, that sometimes a positive attitude was really the only thing I had. No matter what was actually going on, when people asked me how everything was going, I told them that things were better and better every day. Eventually that was actually the case. (This also works with childbirth- don't get discouraged or let yourself think you can't do it. There's no point in that kind of thinking.)
• Talk to other mothers- Experienced ones (your own, if possible) and other new ones. It helps so much to know you're not alone. 
• The most valuable thing anyone ever said to me was "you're doing a good job"- Affirmation that you're the best mother to your baby is invaluable. As long as I live, I will never forget that every time my mother saw me, she told me "you're doing such a good job" whether she actually saw me doing anything motherly or not. It left me with the strong desire to only ever be positive and supportive to new mothers.
• No one will hold the first month against you- The first month will knock you off your feet. You may feel like a little atomic bomb has exploded in your life. Rest assured no one will care if you cry randomly, worry about everything, get frustrated at nothing, can't keep the house clean, can't cook or do laundry or even think about work. Circle the date on the calendar four weeks from when your baby is born. When you feel that nothing will ever be the same again, look at the calendar and know that almost all the problems you're dealing with in the first few weeks will be resolved by then.
• Sleep when the baby sleeps- Get a few things done around the house if you need to for sanity's sake, but get sleep whenever possible. SLEEP IS THE GREATEST GOOD.
• NOTHING will prepare you for the reality of having your own baby- Not time or skill with other children, nothing.
• Your birth will not go as planned- Childbirth is a HUGE event, and like other big events (weddings, parties, etc.), something will probably not follow your plan. Be flexible, be forgiving to yourself
• Enjoy your baby- Your child won't always fall asleep on you. Cuddle them while you can. Enjoy their laughter, their warmth, their baby smell and how they grow. Other demands on your time can wait.
• If you ever feel proud or satisfied with yourself, you should! You were just an integral part of a miracle. Your little one needs you most.
• Accept help from anyone who offers it- As you will sometimes feel all too keenly, you can't do this alone. It really does take a village to raise a child. Let people be part of your support team. It will make them feel good too.
• There may not be an instant bond- You will probably instantly and instinctively feel protective of your new little person, but they may not instantly reciprocate. It can be discouraging when, for the first few weeks, baby doesn't even notice you except when they're demanding something of you (not the baby's fault). It can be disheartening when the first smile and laugh go to someone else, or if someone else is more effective at soothing your baby than you. My first child is a daddy's girl, and when she was first born, I swore that if she hadn't needed me for food, she wouldn't have even liked me. You're a grown-up, and the unconditional love you feel for your baby is sometimes one-sided, but you're still the best mommy for your baby, and in time they'll come to feel it too.
• Welcome to sainthood- Sometimes, NO ONE will notice or appreciate the selfless things you do. don't expect your child to truly appreciate it until they have children of their own.

Does anyone else have things they wish they'd known before having kids? Comment and share!

Advice from Mom

Life is so much better now than it was in my Life with Liam post. We're still trying to figure some things out, but life seems much more manageable now.

However...

Back in the dark days (actually, only a week ago- it's hard to believe things can change so quickly!) when breastfeeding was still absolute agony, I reached the end of my rope. In all honesty, it probably wasn't the first time that day, but there I was around 11 PM: tired, alone (Joseph was out that evening) and being screamed at by a baby who wanted food AGAIN. That was all I could take that day, and with no one else to talk to, I wrote a short exasperated email to my mom. I would have called her, but she was out of the country. Her advice to me was so good (and eerily accurate) that I just had to share it.

Me: "I hate everything about breastfeeding!!!! Why does this have to be such a problem?!?!?!?!? He just downed a 4.5 oz bottle an hour and a half ago and he’s yelling again. WHY ME??????"


Mom: "Hi Baby Girl,

I was thinking about you this morning and wondering how everything is going. It can take 4-6 weeks for nursing to become second nature...again. You will be so happy you stuck with it. 'Why?!!', you may implore. One word: oxytocin. This hormone is a gift from God to all mothers...indeed to all peoples everywhere. It keeps exhausted, fussy moms on the verge of joining their toddlers and infants in a temper tantrum instead blessedly calm, serene, and a bit forgetful. "Who cares if the dog threw up in the corner, the toddler finger painted in it and then played in the mountain of clean laundry with said befouled digits all while the phone rang and dinner burned?", the nursing mother puzzles. She smiles lazily and snuggles in with her infant while turning on any cartoon that will immobilize the toddler long enough for her to catch her breath, re-order her priorities (Shower? Naah. Brush teeth? Hopefully.), and marvel in the wonderful cocktail of hormones bathing her brain and calming her spirit. She gives thanks to the Lord and looks forward to the next feeding.

Really! It happens. Keep a brief log of the shenanigans that multiple kiddos (& pets) bring into your life. You will be amazed! And know that mothers deserve praise the other 364 days of the year too. ;o)"

How she knew that that morning the dog had thrown up on the floor, forcing me to put Liam down in the middle of nursing (causing him to scream) to clean it up while shooing Diana away from it and the floor cleaner I was using (causing her to cry) is beyond me. But she was absolutely right. Moms have a special talent for that. I'm still waiting to receive that talent. Nursing is easy again, praise God! I can feel myself getting wound up tighter and tighter during the day as my plans fall apart and my toddler and dog wreck my clean house and Liam screams to be fed while I change him, but when I finally do sit down, I feel elated and then calm and happy. Breastfeeding hormones really are designed to keep mothers sane. As I sit next to Diana who is being distracted for a few blissful moments by an episode of Kipper and snuggle with Liam, even in the midst of toppled piles of laundry, dog hair, globs of oatmeal spilled on the floor and scattered stuffed animals, I feel happy and peaceful.

Life with Liam

Liam

Happy Liam! You can see his dimple in this picture. :)

Liam is a very healthy, very laid-back little boy. A few days after he was born, he lost a few ounces and weighed in at 8 lbs 2 oz. In about a week, he was back up to 8 lbs 13 oz and at 18 days old he weighed 9 lbs 5 oz. He has deep dark blue eyes and is getting more dark hair. Unlike Diana as a baby, he only really cries when he wakes up for food and right before he goes to sleep. (But only sometimes. He ends up falling asleep eating about half the time.) If he does spend time awake, he just likes looking around quietly at everything and everyone. He (mercifully) has naturally put himself on a four hour feeding schedule. If I feed him at 8 PM, I can be almost certain that he will wake up around midnight for another feeding. That is very convenient during the day when I need to get things done and take care of Diana. The only unfortunate thing about his schedule right now is that he seems to believe the day begins at 8 PM. He spends most of the day eating and sleeping, but after his 8 PM feeding he wants to look around and gets fussy if he isn't held. Our little boy loves to snuggle with people. In fact, he wants to spend most of the time from 8 PM to 6 AM eating and looking around and being cuddled. This makes for some tricky sleepless nights since Diana wakes up at 7:30 AM. So far it has meant me nursing Liam at midnight and then Joey staying up with him until he falls asleep or until his next feeding around 4 AM. Then Joseph has to sleep in the next day while I wrangle Diana and Liam in the morning.

Sleeping schedule aside, I love having a little baby to snuggle. I love the way he smells and how warm and little he is. We're still deciding whether we'll have more kids, so I'm trying to really enjoy having a little Liam to love. I love Diana dearly, but she is definitely way more energetic and doesn't hold still for much hugging or snuggling. 

Diana

Diana doesn't seem too concerned about Liam. For the first week, she barely acknowledged him and wouldn't say his name. She actually insisted he was "Ella" or "Emmy" (her girl cousins down the street) for a while. Now she recognizes and calls him "Leem," points out that he has eyes, ears, nose and mouth, sometimes gives him kisses and tells me when he is "sad." She also, terrifyingly, occasionally says "hold it!" and tries to pick Liam up out of his swing. When she gets tired of having to play on her own while I feed Liam, she will come over and push on the Boppy nursing pillow and insist I put him "down!" 

She has predictably become a little more weepy. I hear it's common when a new baby comes along, since he gets attention when he cries. We are trying to distinguish between being a "big girl" and acting like a baby. 

Mostly Diana is doing very well with the new addition. While she's not incredibly interested in him yet, she also seems to have accepted that he is a nice new part of our family. I expect that as he grows up, she will enjoy having a little brother more!

My Recovery

Some parts of my recovery have been much better than with Diana. I know how to handle a newborn, so I don't feel as lost and helpless. Diana has a schedule, so I don't have to worry about making one up from scratch. I haven't had a problem with my stitches healing up. So far, the biggest obstacle to my recovery has been related to breastfeeding.

My mom was a lactation consultant, so I grew up with her breastfeeding me and my younger siblings, advising women who came over to our house, and preaching about all the wonders of breastfeeding. I believe she was right and that breastfeeding is the right thing for me and my babies. However, as I found with Diana, it is not the beautiful, easy, natural process people make it out to be.

Breastfeeding is hell. If I didn't have a personal commitment to nursing my babies for at LEAST the first six months (Diana naturally weaned herself shortly after I got pregnant when she was about ten months old), I would have quit and used formula long ago. Nothing has been easy with Liam. He has a very strong suck, which HURTS like nothing else even though I'd nursed Diana. I expected it to be painless with the second child! And while there was no cracking or bleeding of the nipples like with Diana (thank goodness!), something was definitely not right. For the past three weeks, I've graduated from screaming and sometimes crying every time he ate to biting down on a rag to avoid screaming and frightening him to just gritting my teeth. About a week after he was born, I developed mastitis, complete with soreness, fever, and that sensitive aching feeling that comes with being sick- which just made the excruciating pain of nursing that much worse. After a few days of lots of sleep, pumping milk, and some nasty vinegar-water-honey concoctions, the mastitis cleared up. However, nursing was still incredibly painful. Liam had a very narrow latch, which we figured out was due to thrush. (I thought his very white tongue was just due to milk residue.) Thankfully, around the time we discovered the thrush, we took Liam to the doctor to be circumcised and she prescribed Nystatin drops. That seems to be helping to clear up his thrush, and I've been taking acidophilus supplements to help with any yeast problems I may have. So far he seems more willing to take more of the breast into his mouth (since I suspect it doesn't hurt his tongue as much), which makes nursing MUCH easier for me. There have even been a couple times in the last day or so when I was only vaguely uncomfortable while nursing him. It was a big improvement.

Just to be clear, I know that breastfeeding isn't always this bad. I got off to a very rough start with Diana as well for different reasons and I remember that after a month or two, nursing was easy and enjoyable. In fact, I really missed it when Diana weaned herself. I loved the connection and the snuggling time. (And how about those happy hormones after a let down! They make everything in the world better!) I have great hope that the same will be true for Liam, although it appears it might take a little longer with him.

So far there hasn't been much of a problem with the baby blues. The few times I got really emotional were mostly due to exhaustion, reluctance to feed Liam because of the unbearable pain, and wavering between extremes of feeling like everyone needs something from me at once and feeling like no one really needs me. We had so much help from family taking care of Diana and the house after Liam was born. There were some days when I hardly saw Diana at all, and since I couldn't do anything with her like pick her up, play with her or run around with her outside for a week or two, she seemed to stop wanting or needing me. Where she used to get excited and say "Mama!!" or need me to hold her when she was hurt, she now started to ask for "Daddy" or "Annies" (Aunties). It was so hard. I didn't have much energy to give her, but I missed having my little girl who had been with me constantly for so long. That feeling was good for a couple of late night breakdowns. Now that Joey has mostly gone back to work, Diana and I spend more time together and I feel like we're starting to connect again, which is a wonderful feeling. I love Liam dearly, and I love to hold and talk to him and snuggle him, but it's a little difficult to fully connect with someone who doesn't seem to notice you except to demand something of you. I found that life with Diana got much more enjoyable after a month or two when she seemed to start recognizing and interacting with us. I know that will change with Liam.

That's what life has been like so far in the last three weeks. There are definitely challenges, but it's not as bad as it could be, and I know it will all get easier. Hopefully I can find time to keep this updated as the weeks fly by!