Advice to moms

The dark days of having a newborn are mostly behind us and it is marvelous. However, I stumbled on this document that I wrote shortly after having Diana. It's a collection of advice and reminders I intended for other new moms and for myself when I had another baby. It was based on my experiences as a shell-shocked new mother, so it carries the notes of my desperation. I found these things to be as true after having Liam as they were when I had Diana, so I thought I'd share them.

As a brand new mother, I felt like I had been duped. People will tell you in vague terms that having a baby is "hard" and "an adjustment," but I felt like there were so many vital things that no one ever mentioned to me. Instead I had to learn them on my own. In retrospect, it seems that the best and maybe the only way any mother will ever learn these sorts of things is on her own. Even if someone had explained these to me, I doubt I would have listened much or known how much they would affect me.

Things I wish I'd known before having a baby

• Things WILL get better down there- you will walk, exercise and have sex again.
• You will probably overproduce milk (regulation takes 3-4 weeks). For what it's worth, my body regulated itself within about a week with my second child, but for the first four weeks with my first, it was basically not worth it to even wear clothes or put any on her. I would just soak them all within a few hours. I felt almost inhuman sometimes. It gets better, it just takes a few weeks. In the meantime, pump and store. That three week growth spurt comes up faster than you'd expect. And there's a chance that at some point in your life you'll want to get extra sleep or let someone else watch the baby and it always helps to have a bottle around for that.
• Nursing, the most natural thing in the world, is not. Breastfeeding. sweet heavens, the breastfeeding. You may scream. You may wonder if God is punishing ALL of your lady parts. If you meet someone who tells you that breastfeeding is the most sweet and natural thing in the world, hit them in the face. Aim for the jaw. It will be an excellent catharsis for all the stress you store up in your body over any of the multitude of problems you may be experiencing just trying to feed your voracious crocodile hungry baby. You are not the only one who has been found in the early hours of the morning sobbing over your child who is crying for food (again) because you just don't want to expose your aching nipples to more agony. There are others. It will get better. Give it a month. If you are resolved to breastfeed your child no matter what, you may JUST make it. It will make you a stronger person than you thought you could ever be. Spoiler: it does not get easier with subsequent children, the problems just become more familiar.
• Sometimes your attitude really is everything- Be positive. I had so many problems recovering after having my first child, that sometimes a positive attitude was really the only thing I had. No matter what was actually going on, when people asked me how everything was going, I told them that things were better and better every day. Eventually that was actually the case. (This also works with childbirth- don't get discouraged or let yourself think you can't do it. There's no point in that kind of thinking.)
• Talk to other mothers- Experienced ones (your own, if possible) and other new ones. It helps so much to know you're not alone. 
• The most valuable thing anyone ever said to me was "you're doing a good job"- Affirmation that you're the best mother to your baby is invaluable. As long as I live, I will never forget that every time my mother saw me, she told me "you're doing such a good job" whether she actually saw me doing anything motherly or not. It left me with the strong desire to only ever be positive and supportive to new mothers.
• No one will hold the first month against you- The first month will knock you off your feet. You may feel like a little atomic bomb has exploded in your life. Rest assured no one will care if you cry randomly, worry about everything, get frustrated at nothing, can't keep the house clean, can't cook or do laundry or even think about work. Circle the date on the calendar four weeks from when your baby is born. When you feel that nothing will ever be the same again, look at the calendar and know that almost all the problems you're dealing with in the first few weeks will be resolved by then.
• Sleep when the baby sleeps- Get a few things done around the house if you need to for sanity's sake, but get sleep whenever possible. SLEEP IS THE GREATEST GOOD.
• NOTHING will prepare you for the reality of having your own baby- Not time or skill with other children, nothing.
• Your birth will not go as planned- Childbirth is a HUGE event, and like other big events (weddings, parties, etc.), something will probably not follow your plan. Be flexible, be forgiving to yourself
• Enjoy your baby- Your child won't always fall asleep on you. Cuddle them while you can. Enjoy their laughter, their warmth, their baby smell and how they grow. Other demands on your time can wait.
• If you ever feel proud or satisfied with yourself, you should! You were just an integral part of a miracle. Your little one needs you most.
• Accept help from anyone who offers it- As you will sometimes feel all too keenly, you can't do this alone. It really does take a village to raise a child. Let people be part of your support team. It will make them feel good too.
• There may not be an instant bond- You will probably instantly and instinctively feel protective of your new little person, but they may not instantly reciprocate. It can be discouraging when, for the first few weeks, baby doesn't even notice you except when they're demanding something of you (not the baby's fault). It can be disheartening when the first smile and laugh go to someone else, or if someone else is more effective at soothing your baby than you. My first child is a daddy's girl, and when she was first born, I swore that if she hadn't needed me for food, she wouldn't have even liked me. You're a grown-up, and the unconditional love you feel for your baby is sometimes one-sided, but you're still the best mommy for your baby, and in time they'll come to feel it too.
• Welcome to sainthood- Sometimes, NO ONE will notice or appreciate the selfless things you do. don't expect your child to truly appreciate it until they have children of their own.

Does anyone else have things they wish they'd known before having kids? Comment and share!