Life with Liam

Liam

Happy Liam! You can see his dimple in this picture. :)

Liam is a very healthy, very laid-back little boy. A few days after he was born, he lost a few ounces and weighed in at 8 lbs 2 oz. In about a week, he was back up to 8 lbs 13 oz and at 18 days old he weighed 9 lbs 5 oz. He has deep dark blue eyes and is getting more dark hair. Unlike Diana as a baby, he only really cries when he wakes up for food and right before he goes to sleep. (But only sometimes. He ends up falling asleep eating about half the time.) If he does spend time awake, he just likes looking around quietly at everything and everyone. He (mercifully) has naturally put himself on a four hour feeding schedule. If I feed him at 8 PM, I can be almost certain that he will wake up around midnight for another feeding. That is very convenient during the day when I need to get things done and take care of Diana. The only unfortunate thing about his schedule right now is that he seems to believe the day begins at 8 PM. He spends most of the day eating and sleeping, but after his 8 PM feeding he wants to look around and gets fussy if he isn't held. Our little boy loves to snuggle with people. In fact, he wants to spend most of the time from 8 PM to 6 AM eating and looking around and being cuddled. This makes for some tricky sleepless nights since Diana wakes up at 7:30 AM. So far it has meant me nursing Liam at midnight and then Joey staying up with him until he falls asleep or until his next feeding around 4 AM. Then Joseph has to sleep in the next day while I wrangle Diana and Liam in the morning.

Sleeping schedule aside, I love having a little baby to snuggle. I love the way he smells and how warm and little he is. We're still deciding whether we'll have more kids, so I'm trying to really enjoy having a little Liam to love. I love Diana dearly, but she is definitely way more energetic and doesn't hold still for much hugging or snuggling. 

Diana

Diana doesn't seem too concerned about Liam. For the first week, she barely acknowledged him and wouldn't say his name. She actually insisted he was "Ella" or "Emmy" (her girl cousins down the street) for a while. Now she recognizes and calls him "Leem," points out that he has eyes, ears, nose and mouth, sometimes gives him kisses and tells me when he is "sad." She also, terrifyingly, occasionally says "hold it!" and tries to pick Liam up out of his swing. When she gets tired of having to play on her own while I feed Liam, she will come over and push on the Boppy nursing pillow and insist I put him "down!" 

She has predictably become a little more weepy. I hear it's common when a new baby comes along, since he gets attention when he cries. We are trying to distinguish between being a "big girl" and acting like a baby. 

Mostly Diana is doing very well with the new addition. While she's not incredibly interested in him yet, she also seems to have accepted that he is a nice new part of our family. I expect that as he grows up, she will enjoy having a little brother more!

My Recovery

Some parts of my recovery have been much better than with Diana. I know how to handle a newborn, so I don't feel as lost and helpless. Diana has a schedule, so I don't have to worry about making one up from scratch. I haven't had a problem with my stitches healing up. So far, the biggest obstacle to my recovery has been related to breastfeeding.

My mom was a lactation consultant, so I grew up with her breastfeeding me and my younger siblings, advising women who came over to our house, and preaching about all the wonders of breastfeeding. I believe she was right and that breastfeeding is the right thing for me and my babies. However, as I found with Diana, it is not the beautiful, easy, natural process people make it out to be.

Breastfeeding is hell. If I didn't have a personal commitment to nursing my babies for at LEAST the first six months (Diana naturally weaned herself shortly after I got pregnant when she was about ten months old), I would have quit and used formula long ago. Nothing has been easy with Liam. He has a very strong suck, which HURTS like nothing else even though I'd nursed Diana. I expected it to be painless with the second child! And while there was no cracking or bleeding of the nipples like with Diana (thank goodness!), something was definitely not right. For the past three weeks, I've graduated from screaming and sometimes crying every time he ate to biting down on a rag to avoid screaming and frightening him to just gritting my teeth. About a week after he was born, I developed mastitis, complete with soreness, fever, and that sensitive aching feeling that comes with being sick- which just made the excruciating pain of nursing that much worse. After a few days of lots of sleep, pumping milk, and some nasty vinegar-water-honey concoctions, the mastitis cleared up. However, nursing was still incredibly painful. Liam had a very narrow latch, which we figured out was due to thrush. (I thought his very white tongue was just due to milk residue.) Thankfully, around the time we discovered the thrush, we took Liam to the doctor to be circumcised and she prescribed Nystatin drops. That seems to be helping to clear up his thrush, and I've been taking acidophilus supplements to help with any yeast problems I may have. So far he seems more willing to take more of the breast into his mouth (since I suspect it doesn't hurt his tongue as much), which makes nursing MUCH easier for me. There have even been a couple times in the last day or so when I was only vaguely uncomfortable while nursing him. It was a big improvement.

Just to be clear, I know that breastfeeding isn't always this bad. I got off to a very rough start with Diana as well for different reasons and I remember that after a month or two, nursing was easy and enjoyable. In fact, I really missed it when Diana weaned herself. I loved the connection and the snuggling time. (And how about those happy hormones after a let down! They make everything in the world better!) I have great hope that the same will be true for Liam, although it appears it might take a little longer with him.

So far there hasn't been much of a problem with the baby blues. The few times I got really emotional were mostly due to exhaustion, reluctance to feed Liam because of the unbearable pain, and wavering between extremes of feeling like everyone needs something from me at once and feeling like no one really needs me. We had so much help from family taking care of Diana and the house after Liam was born. There were some days when I hardly saw Diana at all, and since I couldn't do anything with her like pick her up, play with her or run around with her outside for a week or two, she seemed to stop wanting or needing me. Where she used to get excited and say "Mama!!" or need me to hold her when she was hurt, she now started to ask for "Daddy" or "Annies" (Aunties). It was so hard. I didn't have much energy to give her, but I missed having my little girl who had been with me constantly for so long. That feeling was good for a couple of late night breakdowns. Now that Joey has mostly gone back to work, Diana and I spend more time together and I feel like we're starting to connect again, which is a wonderful feeling. I love Liam dearly, and I love to hold and talk to him and snuggle him, but it's a little difficult to fully connect with someone who doesn't seem to notice you except to demand something of you. I found that life with Diana got much more enjoyable after a month or two when she seemed to start recognizing and interacting with us. I know that will change with Liam.

That's what life has been like so far in the last three weeks. There are definitely challenges, but it's not as bad as it could be, and I know it will all get easier. Hopefully I can find time to keep this updated as the weeks fly by!