And another thing!

I know that the title makes this post sound like a rant already, but it's not. I just now remembered and got time to write about something related to the previous post.

Another reason why I enjoy having three kids is that I'm finally able to just enjoy having a baby. Any other moms know what I mean? With my first, I was consumed by having a baby: by her constant neediness and the reality that I was the only person who could meet her needs. I was always worrying and comparing her developmental milestones to those of other babies her age. ("Why isn't her head control as good as the baby who's two weeks younger than her?? She goes ballistic during tummy time- should I bring that up to the pediatrician? I can't believe she's still not walking!") With my second, I compared his development to my first. He crawled earlier but talked later. His feet were rounded so it took him longer to get the hang of walking. I worried that he didn't communicate verbally as much as his sister had, but once I taught him some hand signs, he picked up on those very quickly. 

Now I have a little kid and a toddler to look at, and I can barely remember what they were like as babies. They seem so different now. And, as every mother knows, there is something very special about that baby time. They're warm and soft and completely absorbed by you. (And that new baby smell- mmmm!) You get to watch them learning everything for the first time: how to move their face, their limbs, how to be patient, how to engage people- learning how to learn, for goodness' sake! They need no one more than their mommy and they're happiest when they're with her. A baby will just lie in your arms or with their head resting on your shoulder and look at the world until they fall asleep. There's perhaps nothing so perfect and endearing in the world than when you're nursing your baby and they catch your eye and then stop eating to give you the biggest full-bodied wiggly smile. I have bigger kids now, and I know how quickly this turns into wanting to run around the house, eat a sandwich at the table and get down, arguing, jumping up and down on mommy instead of snuggling with her, etc. I know my baby will grow up in time- it will seem too fast when it's gone. So I'm released from worrying about when to introduce solids or how his neck muscles are developing or if he's verbalizing enough for his age. It will come, but for now he's my baby and I've finally learned enough to enjoy every warm, cooing, snuggly moment- dirty diapers and spit up and all. And that's a tremendous relief. 

At the same time, I've learned to appreciate my older kids more. They moved on from the baby stage so quickly, I know the toddler and preschool stages won't last long either. They demand SO MUCH from me, but I'm sure that one day I'll miss being needed for everything from mediating arguments to food to hugs. They still want to be with me most, and they light up when I give them hugs and kisses "just because." I don't rush reading time and I take a little more time to just listen to their rambling stories. (For some reason it's terribly important that I listen to the story of how the dog barked at nothing, but I don't mind it anymore.) 

I don't know if three was a magical number of children for me or if I'm just older and wiser or a more experienced mom. It's probably a combination of all of that. But I find myself enjoying all of our kids where they're at. The first month was crazy (it always is), but three kids hasn't been the end of the world. It's been the fulfillment of a promise- motherhood as it finally should be. I'm at peace and enjoying life...

...on five broken hours of sleep. And now I have to go because my baby just filled up his diaper, my three year old is screaming for something I already gave her, and I have to start dinner. All in a day's work! And it's still enjoyable, in a crazy way. 

Three kids: the end of the world?

Mothers know: as soon as you're pregnant, people like to give you advice and tell you their horror stories. It goes something like this:

When you're expecting your first child: "Good luck! Get some sleep now while you still can!" (<The favorite piece of advice from every human being you'll meet, whether they've had kids or not.)

When you're expecting your second child: "Watch out, now you'll really have your hands full!"

When you're expecting your third child: "Everyone says that three is the hardest number. After all, now you guys are outnumbered!"

People are full of encouraging gems like that when you're pregnant. No wonder so many pregnant women are grumpy.

Some of it is well-meant, of course. But there's not a lot of positivity surrounding pregnancy and motherhood. (Pregnant ladies, how often do you hear something like, "Congratulations! What a miracle. You'll so enjoy having [x number of] kids!")

Now that we've started mingling with people in the wide world again, mothers of one and two kids ask me with some awe and trepidation, "So how is it having three?"

It's really not bad. It's not even as bad as I thought, and it's certainly not as bad as people have been telling me.

In fact, having three kids has, so far, been (knock on wood)...

...easy.

(I've been a mom long enough to know that now that I've said that, one kid is going to have attitude problems, another is going to start teething, and the baby is going to go through a growth spurt.)

First, it might help to define what "easy" means when you have three kids. I'm not saying there aren't times when I close myself in the laundry room just so I can cough without someone(s) asking me a thousand questions. I fight multiple battles every day about eating food. Good, healthy food that I lovingly prepared to nourish their growing minds and bodies. There are mornings when I deal with the poop of three small people all in rapid succession, and not always where it's supposed to be. Often at least one person is crying, though more often it's two and sometimes it's a trio of voices raised in delightful harmony.

No, it's easy because I've been doing this for three years and now I'm used to all of that. A little bit of chaos is normal, and it's interspersed with a lot of fun and endearing times. I don't usually get a shower or change out of my PJs before 11 AM, but I do get to see my baby give smiles so big he has to put his whole face and body into expressing the happiness inside him. We can't get out the door on time, but I get to witness my older kids playing cheerfully together at games that they made up.

Truthfully, it was a lot more difficult transitioning to having one child, or even from having one child to two. In the first case, you're caught unprepared (at least we were) by the reality of around-the-clock neediness and your own susceptibility to hormones and uncertainty about how to care for your baby. In the second case, you have a better idea of how to care for an infant, but at that point you have a toddler or preschooler who is used to being the center of attention. Suddenly they need to entertain themselves and they don't always adjust to that easily. They can't understand why mom is suddenly obsessed with a small, uninteresting blob of a person that they can't even touch. To compound things, my toddler still needed help getting into and out of her high chair, having meals made, having her diapers changed, etc.

SO MUCH is different by the time you have three kids! Diana is three now, and at this point she and Liam have been playing together for a long time. I was exhausted in late pregnancy, so they had to learn to run around and entertain themselves. I still need to sit down and feed the baby frequently, so they just dive into their toy box (literally) and make a mess and play doctor. She "reads" him books. They watch TV. (Yep, my ultra-strict attitude about the electronic babysitter changed too after three years.) If they're hungry, I tell her she can get grapes out of the fridge. If the baby throws up the contents of his stomach all over me, I can ask Diana or Liam to get towels or burp rags. They're old enough to play by themselves in the back yard and then let themselves in and take their shoes off when they're done. I can throw their lunches onto the table, sit down and feed the baby, and have them climb up into their chairs and feed themselves. Also, touching on the idea of being outnumbered: is there any family in which there are two caregivers at home all day long? My husband works- I was outnumbered as soon as we had two! And now when we go on family outings, one person grabs the older two and the other grabs the baby. It's not so complicated.

I don't want to ignore my older kids, but it's nice to see their relationship with each other develop and deepen. They're more self-sufficient. I'd like to think they have a greater appreciation for what it takes to be a mom because they see everything I do to take care of Matthew, but I know that's not true. They won't fully appreciate everything their parents did for them until they're pacing the floor for the fifth time one late night, covered in four different bodily fluids. Still, I know this has been good for all of us. The nature of dealing with small children means that an easy period can become very difficult in a matter of months or minutes, but so far, this has been a lot easier than I expected- maybe because so many people (so MANY people) gave me dire warnings about having three kids. I fully allow that it might be different when Matthew is crawling around and needs more than just feeding, changing, and sleep, but until then, this has been a pretty easy transition.

So if you too are thinking of stepping off the edge of the world and having more than two children, take heart! It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. It's a miracle. You'll love it (especially after that first month). Especially if you can make your peace with not sleeping and dealing with lots of diapers. I jest. But only a little.

(P.S. I know that last paragraph is irrelevant as there are only two people who read this blog, and at least one of them already has more children than I do. Seriously, I don't even think my mom reads this. I hope instead she's busy catching up on the sleep that she lost for years caring for me and my three siblings. I can appreciate that now.)