What we watch

I don't usually enjoy watching a lot of TV, but in the early days of having a baby when I'm breastfeeding around the clock, and especially when it's unbearably painful and I need something to distract me (mental anesthetic, I call it, and books don't quite cut it), I watch the TV (or more accurately, the computer) all the time. With Diana, I watched four seasons of 30 Rock, plus Zulu, Funny Girl, and Hello, Dolly! plus a few documentaries. With Liam it was The West Wing (four seasons!) and Ken Burns' Civil War and Baseball documentaries. (Here's a tip: for pleasant dreams and restful sleep, don't watch a 9 hour documentary about the Civil War unless you enjoy falling asleep to the sound of maimed and dying men and horses.) I tend to watch a lot of documentaries. A LOT. Most of my sentences start with "I saw this documentary about..." My thinking is that if I'm going to waste time watching something, I might as well be learning. Here's what I've been watching since having Matthew:

Mitt
A Netflix original about, obviously, Mitt Romney. (How many other people do you know with the name 'Mitt'?) I really wish this had been finished and released before the 2012 election. One of my more trivial qualms about Mitt Romney was that he seemed dry, wooden, and completely without personality. I wish documentaries like this could be released about candidates in every election. I really enjoy getting to know the people I'm voting for. (Or not.) Joseph put it pretty well: while it didn't reveal Mitt Romney to be a stunning intellectual infinitely more worthy of running the country than President Obama, he did seem genuinely smart, with a good business sense, and a friendly personality kind of like a dad from church. I think this could have helped him in the election. It also made me realize how grueling it is to run a political campaign. There is no way I'd want to invite that kind of stress and scrutiny into my life. Suddenly I feel a little bit sorry for politicians.

More Than Honey
A beautiful documentary that compares local, small-scale apiaries to large-scale operations and looks at the decline of bee populations worldwide and the implications for agriculture. Suddenly bees seem delicate and precious, and large-scale cross-country bee pollinating operations look horrifying. Tell me you can't sympathize with the old Swiss bee-keeper and his lovingly cared-for native bees over the giant truckload of bees that become collateral damage in the industrial honey operation! It made me want to plant bee-attracting plants all over my yard and it made Joseph want to start bee-keeping. We will be buying local honey from now on!

Wild China
The BBC has a talent for beautiful cinematography. This five (I think?) part series is gorgeous and a treat to watch. I even learned some new things about China, which I appreciated. TV documentaries usually just cover the same information over and over again. I'd even have let the kids watch this.

It's a Girl
Here's something to know about me: I like learning about other cultures, and I don't know whether it's just the nature of cultural documentaries or the nature of the subject matter, but I end up watching the absolute saddest films. This was the first in a series of eye-opening, terribly depressing documentaries I watched. I was crying within the first 60 seconds. I first learned of female gendercide after having Diana. It was shocking to be holding my precious baby girl, warm and safe with people who loved her, while other baby girls around the world were being killed or thrown away. This documentary is about the danger of being born a girl in parts of the world with strong cultural male preferences, especially India and China. Baby girls are aborted (sometimes, even more sickeningly, against the mother's wishes as in China), killed shortly after birth, abandoned, or enslaved. There are literally millions of missing baby girls in these countries, causing the gender ratio between men and women to become dangerously and unnaturally skewed. The title reflects the fact that three of the most dangerous words that can be used in relation to a baby in these places are: "it's a girl." And it shouldn't be so. It SHOULD NOT be so. Cultural differences be damned, a human being is not less deserving of life because it's a female. This is an issue that has become near to my heart as a woman, as a mother, and having a little girl. Watch this documentary and then, if you have the stomach, watch Half the Sky. More importantly, if these documentaries inspire you, do something!

The World Before Her
This was an interesting documentary partly because it was something I wouldn't normally have picked and knew little about. It contrasts the worlds of Western-style "Miss America" type beauty pageants, which are increasingly popular in India, with conservative fundamentalist Hinduism. I don't know a lot about Hinduism, I suppose, and certainly not ultra-conservative Hinduism. The irony is that women and girls at fundamentalist Hindu camps talk about how the Miss India contestants are enslaved to perverted Western ideas of beauty and worth while following a very conservative vein of their religion that basically restricts their value to marriage and child-bearing. I thought this was a well constructed documentary that wasn't afraid to ask hard questions.

First Circle
This documentary took a look at the foster care cycle in Eastern Oregon and Idaho. It wasn't super well-funded, or else the filmmaker wasn't extremely experienced, but the subject matter was interesting to me. I would almost be interested in fostering kids, and I know others who would, but for the illogical and confusing foster care system. A child's best place is with their own family- and it's heartbreaking that you can see that these kids want to be with their parents, even when they're making some pretty big mistakes- but if that's not the safest place for them, they should be able to be taken in by a stable family, if only temporarily. Unfortunately, the convoluted world of foster care means that qualified families are sometimes driven away or turned down.

Dirty Wars
The creepiest stuff you don't want to think about. This one was about the growing and increasingly unfocused war on terror. I thought this 2014 Oscar nominee was very well constructed. It plays out like a mystery-drama. Like the Bourne Identity without the action. Joseph didn't like that it presented events in a very conspiratorial way, as if mysterious forces were trying to conceal facts at every turn. But the part we both agreed was the most interesting is that it included information that we had never heard before and that is genuinely disturbing. Regardless of how you justify things in the beginning of the documentary, toward the end you get this uncomfortable feeling that our country may be meddling in some deep, murky slightly evil factions around the world. This is a good conversation-starter. I suggest watching it with someone for that reason.

The Square
Another Netflix original and 2014 Academy Award nominee about the protests in Egypt during the Arab Spring. It follows a group of protesters present at the original uprising in Tahrir Square. After their initial success in ousting Hosni Mubarak, you get to watch the difficulties that follow in setting up free elections and the discontent and outrage over the abuses of power by the subsequently elected president, Mohamed Morsi. I think it's always interesting to get a more in-depth view of events that appear in the news, especially when you can watch interviews with people who are participating on the streets. And it's inspiring to watch the passion these people have for justice and for their country.

Tell Me and I Will Forget
Do you like blood, gore, and senseless violence? Do you enjoy the depressed and overwhelmed feeling that comes from being confronted by giant, seemingly unsolvable problems? Then this may be the documentary for you! The title comes from a quote with origins that are hard to track down. It goes, approximately, "Tell me and I will forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I will understand." What I understood from the documentary is that Johannesburg is one of the worst cities on earth and I would never ever want to visit it ever. Ever. How can so many people be so terrible to other people? Years after the end of apartheid, desperate circumstances have led to a huge increase in terrible violent crime in Pretoria and Johannesburg. This documentary follows paramedics in the area as they struggle to help the sick and injured despite overwhelming demand for their services and incredible lack of supplies and resources. These people and their passion for helping others seem to be the only bright spots in a place that is characterized in all other ways only by crime and violence. The film also examines the differences in the country's dual luxurious private and underfunded public medical systems. On the one hand, I'm glad to have learned about some of the challenges faced by other people in the world- and it was particularly interesting to Joseph having spent 10 years as an EMT. On the other hand, you get to see that the world is a terrible place with terrible things happening in it. Very interesting and very depressing.

Somm
Mostly thanks to Joseph's influence, we finally watched a documentary that wasn't sad, depressing, or horrifying! What a welcome change that was! Somm is about candidates training for the Master Sommelier exams. I was surprised to find out that there was such a thing as a sommelier, which is basically someone who has been professionally trained to know literally everything about wine. It far surpasses wine nerd and delves into a level of knowledge and scrutiny I can't imagine anyone would ever need to know about wine. But this documentary follows at least four sommeliers in the world who are studying for the Master Sommelier exame, which has one of the lowest pass rates in the world. A sometimes funny, interesting look at people who have devoted their lives to a single subject.

One month: We made it!

Matthew and his one month accomplishments!

With each baby I remember my mother-in-law's advice to circle the date on the calendar a month after the baby is born. That way in the dark times during the first month when nothing is right, you can look at the calendar and know that at that point, almost all the problems you're facing will be resolved. It has been great advice.

February 2014 will be known in our memories as the month we all made it through (barely). 

Matthew was born an incredibly healthy baby, praise God! He also naturally put himself on a schedule of being asleep for about four hours and awake for an hour or two. We can work with that kind of schedule. I had to get stitches, which I wasn't happy about, but which I was also pretty much expecting. Our difficulties the first couple of weeks mostly involved my recovery. (Spoiler: getting stitches down there is not fun at all and kind of affects everything you want to do, including sitting up, moving around, and walking.) I seemed to be getting better, and then something happened at about two weeks and suddenly my stitches started pulling and stinging. It was so discouraging, since stitches are easily my least favorite part of recovery. I talked with my midwife about it and she said that because of the way she'd had to tie the stitches, they might not have dissolved and may need to be removed. That elicited one of my two breakdowns during our first month. I just broke down and cried at the thought of anyone having to mess with my stitches at all. It probably had nothing at all to do with post-pregnancy hormones. ;) Thankfully, a friend read that I was having problems and stopped by with a bag to help me feel better. It had cold packs, homeopathic arnica montana tablets, a donut pillow, and an herbal sitz bath mix. I could have cried. It was so amazing! I used those for a couple weeks straight and miraculously one day the pain and stitches disappeared. It was such a blessing! That was something I really really wanted to heal up on its own. I'm so glad no one had to look at it or mess with it. 

Breastfeeding was also, pretty much as I expected, excruciatingly painful. I'd describe it as being stabbed repeatedly in one place over and over again. In addition, I managed to develop cracked nipples on both sides, which just made it, if possible, even more painful. I only screamed once. I only broke down sobbing once because I wanted to feed a crying baby but just couldn't face the pain. Mostly I just bit down on a rag and tried to bear it. When I developed cracks, I decided to give myself a break for about ten hours, so I just pumped and fed Matthew from a bottle during that time. After that, things got better very quickly. By about two weeks, breastfeeding was definitely bearable, and mostly painless.

Then The Cold hit.

Not the weather- no, that comes later. Liam was the first to come down with it: a productive cough even

Sick and tired Liam.

though he didn't seem to have a runny nose, and what he indicated was a headache. He was whiny and clingy and generally miserable. A couple days later, the runny nose appeared along with a high fever of 103. The fever (between 101 and 103 degrees), runny nose, and stomach upset continued for FIVE DAYS. Poor little guy just sat miserably on the couch not moving and barely keeping his eyes open the whole time. He tested negative for influenza, so as far as we could tell, he just got the worst cold ever. Three or four days after Liam got sick, Diana and I came down with the cold. Thankfully for adults it just seemed to involve a sore throat, headache, runny nose and cough. I was happy to get sick because I hoped as an EBF (Exclusively BreastFed) baby, Matthew would avoid it entirely that way. Unfortunately, it was so contagious that at the tender age of two weeks old, Matthew ended up catching it too. He didn't get the fever (thank goodness!), but he did get a runny nose and most unfortunately, a cough. It was so sad to watch a little newborn having painful coughing fits. It caused him to spit up more often than he usually did. Thankfully, he still kept gaining weight. But they definitely seemed to bother him. He snuffled and coughed and choked during the night so much that we got another humidifier for our room and put him to sleep in his swing for a couple of weeks until the drainage was mostly gone.

At the same time, there was an unusually heavy snowstorm and we ended up with over a foot of snow at our house and no way to really get out. Imagine, if you will, two sick, sleep-deprived parents, one still healing from having a baby and struggling with painful breastfeeding, the other beginning to feel the effects of cabin fever; two children with coughs and runny noses alternating being listless and being whiny because they're sick and confined to the house; and an infant with his first icky cold. There were some nice moments of family bonding, but there were also some rough times indeed.

So here we are, all healthy again, all healed again. Matthew is growing like crazy (11 lbs 11 oz at his six week appointment!), really tuning into people, and starting to give out more and more smiles. We're getting into a rhythm of being a family of five. I still take sleep where I can get it and only manage to get one thing from my long to-do list accomplished each day, but we're working on adjusting to this new normal. I've been so blessed to have the most amazing help from Joseph, our families, and our friends. They brought food, gave us space when we needed it, watched kids when we needed, and were around to just talk and help around the house. Joseph and I always talk about how we're open to moving because we love travel and new experiences, but I am incredibly grateful that we've been able to spend our family-growing years with such a wonderful community of people. I think it's that and a lot of praying that got us through the first month. I'm excited to see how life changes and keeps getting better in the months to come!

Matthew giving out baby smiles!