The Third Day

Diana's leg in the morning after scratching. Ouch!

Left hand healing up.

 Today we decided that it was extremely unlikely that Diana was allergic to oatmeal. (Who's allergic to oatmeal?) We added that back in to her diet, but after Joseph reminded me that his family had sensitivities to artificial colors, we made sure to take out anything with artificial dyes. Despite being incredibly itchy in the morning, Diana spent 10-15 minutes on the potty again without scratching! She ate things like meat, corn tortillas, oatmeal, grapes, beans, orange juice, but still didn't scratch at ALL when I changed her into her PJs for nap time. The rest of the day there was only some occasional light scratching.

Some healing on her left leg. 

Ankle is looking a little better.

Right leg. It's better than it has been.

Day 2

Diana's trouble spot. Despite her lack of itchiness on Day 1, her skin condition actually worsened.

Ankle healing up.

Diana was very itchy when I changed her this morning. Come to think of it, she's very itchy EVERY morning. As we saw over the course of this diet, her itchiness doesn't really correlate with her skin quality. Sometimes it is more closely related to boredom, anxiety, habit, and in the case of scratching in the morning, probably dryness from not being moisturized or hydrated all night.

Diana's diet was basically the same as yesterday since we had leftovers: corn flakes, fruit, meat, and rice. She'll still scratch when her clothes are off, but it's much less than normal. She also still scratches when she's upset. Unfortunately, I stayed over at girls' night way too late with the kids and Diana became a tired, weeping mess, so there was LOTS of scratching when we got home long past her bedtime. There was so much crying that I forgot to even get pictures of her skin.

Allergy Diet Day 1

Diana's leg on Day 1. This is before she really got to scratching it.  She was very itchy.

Diana's ankle on Day 1. This is about as bad as it gets. She scratched it until it bled.

Backs of Diana's knees. This isn't as bad as it gets.

Diana woke up and like most mornings she was VERY itchy. She scratched her legs until they were bleeding in just the time it took me to change her diaper. Incidentally, this is why it's taken so long to potty train. I can't just sit her down on the potty for 10 minutes because she'll ruin her skin in that time. With the exception of one random day last year, there has never been a time since she was three months old that she hasn't taken the opportunity to scratch exposed skin. I'm not exaggerating. She can't wear shorts or dresses in the summer because her knees are "hot spots."

It's not that hard to find foods that are wheat-free, or dairy-free, or even nut- or egg-free, because they're common allergens. But it turns out to be nearly impossible to find food that don't have ANY of those ingredients. Even gluten free products have egg or dairy, or egg-free products have nuts, etc. We basically put Diana on a diet of meat, rice, vegetables, fruits and her multivitamins.

That morning, Diana ate some corn flakes, an improvised stir fry ("meat and rice") of jasmine rice and roast beef, a multivitamin and her orange juice. After her nap, she had a baked potato, some grapes and a rice cake. Then she sat on the potty for some potty training and SHE DIDN'T SCRATCH HERSELF. It was miraculous. For 10-15 minutes she didn't scratch. She just sat there talking and reading books like any other kid. I suspect that even if she isn't itchy, she has been scratching herself for so long that it's just a habit, so the fact that she didn't even feel the need to do it out of habit was incredible.

That night for dinner I made gluten free corn dogs that she ate with rice and grapes. Some of the oil from the fried corn dogs got on her face and made her itchy, but after a bath she was good as new. In fact, she miraculously DIDN'T SCRATCH HERSELF again! Not at all! It was absolutely amazing!

Diana's legs before bedtime on Day 1.

The Allergy Diet

Let me share with you some things that I dislike:

Country music, homeowners associations, speed bumps, wet socks, drippiness, cooked fruit, swearing, the entire American medical system.

You read that right.

That's only a partial list, of course.

I know modern medicine must do some good. I suppose I never got polio as a child and I can thank my vaccinations for that. I've never had a doctor tell me something that wasn't common sense in the first place and the part I hate most is that it is SO EXPENSIVE. How on earth can everything be so expensive?? Insurance is a player (one that I also loathe), but that can't be all of it.  I had a friend who had her baby in the hospital and it's a good thing she did- she developed preeclampsia and the labor was risky. Her insurance ended up paying roughly a quarter of a MILLION dollars to the hospital for that baby. She was only in there for about three days. There was no surgery required. Do you know her HOUSE didn't cost that much? That's partly why, if I can help it, I don't want to see a doctor unless there's a very good chance they could save me from dying. It's also partly why I try to have my babies at home.

Diana's doctors have been moderately helpful when it comes to her eczema. Her pediatrician recommended using scentless laundry detergent without softener and her dermatologist recommended diluted bleach baths once a week to keep the inflammation down. But the rest was two long years of trial and error: trying countless soaps and lotions on her and having to throw them out every time they gave her a new rash, trying antihistamines, experimenting with all my cosmetics to find brands that wouldn't affect her skin, introducing new foods while watching for allergic reactions, keeping her constantly clothed so she couldn't reach her "hot spots." And you know something else I hate? Watching my child in agony. It's annoying that she can't wear cool, fun shorts and dresses in the summer, but it kills me when she sits down and scratches (tears, really. It's vicious.) at her skin until it bleeds, crying the whole time because she can't stop. I hate having to try to get her to stop something as natural as scratching an itch. (Once she starts, the scratching just makes her itch more.) She begs me to let her scratch sometimes and I feel so bad for her. Her pediatrician and dermatologist prescribed antihistamines, but none seem to be more effective than just keeping her skin covered up. They gave her 2.5% hydrocortisone (ineffective), then a "moderate" steroid (also ineffective), then a "stronger" steroid (effective for a short time, but made her rash appear more strongly in new places). Because we were just treating symptoms, I wanted to get to the bottom of things and tried to make an appointment with an allergist. I talked to our insurance provider and the allergist's office. For an initial consultation, it was going to be somewhere between $200-$700.

Is this normal? When people say they took their kids to a specialist, do they routinely pay hundreds of dollars per visit? If I felt like I had no other options and an allergist could most likely help my kids, we'd definitely do that. But as our pediatrician verified, a blood test is most effective in kids older than Diana. Instead we decided we'd go back to basics and look at what the pediatrician and dermatologist both told us was the most likely cause of children's allergies: food.

My family is blessed to not have any real food allergies. And though I love Joseph's family, they collectively have allergies to everything under (and possibly including) the sun. A lot of Joseph's siblings grew out of their allergies. However, Diana has aunts and cousins with allergies to dairy, peanuts and artificial dyes. Whenever Diana eats uncooked or undercooked eggs (like runny scrambled eggs or cookie dough) she throws up, so we suspected an egg allergy. She also has a peanut sensitivity (not allergy, thankfully), so we never give her anything with any tree nuts, just to be safe. After running it by her pediatrician, we decided to put her on a diet that excluded major and known allergens. For Diana, that meant no nuts, dairy, wheat or oatmeal. During that time, we kept a detailed record of what she ate, her skin condition, and how itchy she was. We also took pictures of her trouble spots (ankles, backs of her knees, insides of her thighs, and hands) every morning and evening so we could record changes in her skin. Since Liam has some eczema problems on his cheeks, I went on the diet with her. Eating the same foods also gave me an accurate gauge of how hungry she actually was. (It turns out you can eat rice cakes forever, but they'll never be as satisfying as some cheese and crackers.) We stayed on the diet for a little over a week, and for those of you dying to know, I'll post the daily logs HERE!

To see the rockets!

The Association of Experimental Rocketry of the Pacific (AeroPac) holds several high-powered rocketry launches every year from a launch site in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada. As long as I've known him, Joseph has been seriously interested in space and rockets, and a couple of years ago he was introduced to Bill Earls, a high-powered rocketry expert who made the trek to Black Rock every year to set off some BIG rockets. He invited us along in 2011 and we had a great time, so we wanted to go again in 2012... even though we had a toddler and a baby. It was, predictably, an adventure. Luckily, I kept a journal, so even when my mind blocked out the terrible parts I forgot all the good stuff, I have a record of what happened. It went something like this:

Sunday

Diana "driving" the RV.

Joseph and I managed to only get 3 hours of sleep thanks to work (he was desperately working to release an iPhone app) and packing, but we still got on the road by 8:30 AM. We were riding along in a palatial 35-foot RV that Bill had rented. Absolutely the first thing I did when I stepped on this beautiful giant was BREAK IT. I tried opening the fridge and ripped off the water dispenser instead. Great start.

The drive is something like 10-15 hours, depending on who's driving, but Diana was a great traveler. 

Last year, because I was traveling with a bunch of men, no one bothered to get exact directions to the launch site, so we ended up driving around the completely flat, dusty desert in the dark for hours while a tired, hungry, 9-month-old Diana cried and then finally we just gave up and camped out for the night. This year, because I was traveling with a bunch of men, no one bothered to get exact directions again, but miraculously we managed to find the launch site while it was still light.

After dinner, Joey took Diana out to expend some energy. They took glow bracelets (yeah, I'm going to let a wayward toddler wander off for literally miles in any direction without being festooned with bright lights), which Diana LOVED. "Pretty!" "Magic!" she said. She loved them so much we decided she could take one to bed with her. While we were getting everything arranged for the night, I heard "Mommy, Diana make magic water!" Sure enough, the bracelet had snapped and sprayed all over. When we turned the lights out, Diana looked like a creature from the movie Avatar. Her hands, hair, blanket, etc. were all covered in a spray of glowing liquid. 

Monday

Diana and daddy ready to watch rocket launches!

We had one of the worst nights of sleep in recent memory. Most people slept in the RV, but we were in our own little lightweight travel trailer so we could have our own space and not disturb everyone else. Probably weirded out by the change in surroundings, Diana woke up around 1 AM and didn't fall asleep until Joseph climbed into her bunk around 3:30. By that time, it had started to get down into the 30s outside and Liam woke up a little baby popsicle. I snuggled and nursed him back to sleep. 

The desert wrecked the kids' skin. Diana was very rashy from the heat (mid-80s with a light breeze during the day) and Liam's skin was so dry his little lips cracked and his cheeks were cracked and oozing. Poor kids. Our highest priority became keeping both of them very well hydrated.

Joseph helped Bill with rocket assembly. During the day, a rocket came down not far away from us and Diana casually wandered out past the flight line to inspect it. Too cute. At night, Joseph and I talked outside under the stars and saw some shooting stars. I have never seen all the stars in the heavens more clearly than out in that desert. It's breathtaking. 

Tuesday

Diana flying her kite in the morning.

Everyone got at least seven hours of sleep! Unfortunately, the sun is incredibly bright and the glare off the flat, white playa is incredibly strong, so when I opened the door in the morning, Diana may have gotten some sun directly in her eyes. She whimpered and rubbed them for a while and appeared unable to open her eyelids fully for several minutes. From what little she could open them, I could only see the whites, like her eyes had rolled back and she couldn't fix them. She recovered after a few minutes, but seemed sensitive to light after that, so we made sure she wore her sunglasses all day every day.

Joseph helping Bill put the GPS unit in the nose cone.

Diana was an incredibly sweet and helpful girl. She appeared to have accepted her bunk in the trailer as her "safe place," which she called "Diana's little house," and that helped her calm down. Joseph and I both got to read and relax during the day and Joseph and Diana got to fly her kite a little bit when the wind picked up.

I took a spartan shower using the equivalent of probably half a gallon of water. It was awesome.

Wednesday

Happy Liam in his silly safari hat.

Because the nights were freezing and the trailer was cold, Joseph slept in the top bunk, Diana slept in the bottom bunk, and I snuggled with Liam in the convertible bed/dining area. It turns out babies are TERRIBLE bunk mates. Liam snuffled and wiggled all night long. I don't know how co-sleeping moms don't lose their minds. Thanks to juggling two active kids, not sleeping, not exercising, and being trapped in a small, messy trailer nursing all day, I was a wreck. Joseph watched the kids while I took a 20 minute bike ride out into the desert. It was exactly what I needed. It was completely and absolutely still and quiet. It's amazing and calming to be pressed upon by utter silence all around you. I could only hear myself breathe. Absolutely incredible.

Thursday

The only positive thing about Thursday may have been that Joseph's dad and two youngest brothers arrived. This was their first time out to Black Rock and his entire family has such great attitudes, it's fun to share things with them. 

Our part of the camp. Bill's RV, our trailer, Diana's bike.

Thursday was mostly notable for being one of the worst nights for sleep in my life. Earlier that evening, the water pump had stopped working, but we figured we'd just look into it in the morning. Diana woke up crying around midnight. We spent about an hour sweetly telling her to go back to sleep, giving her hugs, ordering her to be quiet and stop screaming, etc. Nothing worked. Meanwhile, Joseph was dehydrated and had a splitting headache and felt sick. Once Diana had finally gone back to sleep, a loud beeping alarm started going off. It was the propane gas detector. We couldn't smell gas, so we deliberated sleepily for a while. We were both tired and felt sick, which made us worry that there really was gas. I noticed the alarm light was blinking red and green, a code that meant it needed the battery changed. So I pulled the detector off the wall and found- batteries? No. Two wires going into the wall. How are we supposed to change the batteries IF THERE AREN'T ANY? I called Joseph down from his bunk, and by that point he was fed up with life and anything that got in the way of sleep. He became angrier at that stupid blinking machine than I've probably ever seen him. He's got a pretty even keel. He tried prying the detector apart with two butter knives and when that failed, smashing it into oblivion with a flashlight. Diana very happily watched the whole thing and thought it was great fun. Ultimately, Joseph ended up cutting one of the wires. He went straight back to bed and after I settled Diana in, I noticed the fridge had an alert light blinking. I HATE dealing with people who are already feeling grumpy, but I decided it was better to wake him than have all our food go bad halfway through our trip. When he turned on the light to investigate the fridge, it was very weak. Somehow we'd been unplugged from the RV and our batteries were dying. We turned everything off and went to bed. I couldn't sleep for worrying about everything. It got so cold in my half of the trailer that I moved myself and Liam into Diana's half bunk where I got no sleep thanks to worry, having a child on either side of me, and having my feet hang off the bed in the freezing cold. In addition, Diana didn't take her afternoon nap. Oy.

Friday

Joseph helping Bill assemble his Patriot rocket.

Some small dust storms brought lost of dust into the trailer and camp, but everyone slept pretty well. (Thank goodness!) Thanks to lots of encouragement, help, and sometimes hassling by Joseph, Matt and Thomas, Bill launched his Patriot rocket which was dedicated to his parents who had passed away earlier this year. Unfortunately, it arced shortly after takeoff, the fins and fin section blew off, and it exploded and tumbled to the ground. At least it got up! 

Diana didn't take an afternoon nap and was a handful all day, but we were both a little crazy from mostly being in the trailer. 

Joseph, Matt, and Sean carrying Patriot out to the high-powered pad.

There were high clouds in the evening, so it was hard to see if the 'chutes opened on the rockets or if they were coming in ballistic. In addition, there happened to be a handful whose chutes didn't open, but no one could tell where they were coming down. Did the threat of being pinned to the desert floor by a wayward ballistic rocket stop anyone from launching? Of course not! That made dinner exciting.

I had a shower. It rocked.

Saturday

Diana hanging out while Daddy worked on rockets.

Another truly terrible night. Shortly after Joseph and I went to bed, Diana started coughing and screaming. We let it subside, but when it started again, we found she'd thrown up most of her dinner all over her bed, PJs and blankets. Meanwhile, Liam was bellowing because it was time to eat. One screaming, still-coughing and drooling toddler, one bellowing infant, a small, dark trailer, the smell of vomit, and mom trying to clean and calm both while dad changes the bed was surely the depths of the parenting experience. After Diana calmed down, we found she was breathing very fast and with a lot of effort because her lungs were full of rattly junk. (She'd had bronchitis earlier in the year.) We didn't know if it was an allergic reaction or an illness of some kind, so we gave her a half dose of Benadryl. She seemed in good spirits, so we weren't too worried, but we knew from her bronchitis episode that she could change very quickly. She coughed some more junk up so hard that she threw up again. Her breathing was still so fast and labored that we were afraid we'd have to drive her to a hospital in Reno or Life Flight her out of the dessert. Joseph boiled some water to turn the whole trailer into a humidifier (it was 2:30 AM by then) and I took her up to the steamy top bunk to sleep with me. After some initial fussing, coughing and hard breathing, she fell asleep and by the time she woke up in the morning, she was back to normal. PRAISE GOD!

Despite getting FAA clearance to make the launch site a no-fly zone (for obvious reasons), in mid-morning shortly after a rocket launched, an F-15 flew in low overhead over the launching range, with another two circling around the playa from either side. We think they were just playing around, but it was still really cool! 

Some sporadic and some giant, towering, sun-obscuring dust storms and incredible wind blew through starting mid-morning. Good for Thomas's wind racer, bad for us since it was dust in her lungs that led to Diana's episode the previous night. The wind was probably around 20-25 mph.

Diana and Liam waiting in our trailer to see the rockets.

After a lot of work on everyone's part to get the last rocket ready, the range closed JUST after they got it out there. So frustrating!

Diana began to cry whenever she wet her diaper. I suspected the beginnings of a bladder infection. Just what we needed. We spent the rest of the day playing drinking games with her- rewarding her with mini marshmallows for drinking all the water in her cup, drinking out of a straw, drinking out of a big-girl cup, etc. to keep her hydrated, but we could only do so much.

Sunday

Diana and Uncle Abe watching rockets from the RV.

The hope was to get Bill's rocket launched first thing in the morning and head home by mid-morning. The launching range opened around 8 AM, but Bill didn't end up launching until around 10 AM. It went straight up. It was a beautiful flight. But no one could see a chute open up. His rocket was pretty enormous, so even though no one else seemed worried, I was slightly concerned about losing sight of it. A few seconds after we lost sight, there was a sound like a jet flying overhead, which was apparently a rocket segment breaking the sound barrier as it plummeted to earth after the chute failed to open properly. The men-folk managed to locate it, but the fin section had buried itself about four feet into the rock-hard playa floor. So that took a while to extract. We probably ended up leaving around noon. The long trip was a little tougher for the kids on the way back and we got home around 11 PM or midnight. We were all so exhausted, dirty and happy to be home!

Black Rock Desert playa 2012

Hey, look what I found!

Look at you!

It's been a LONG while. But look at you, you loyal few. You keep on keeping on even when I'm not keeping up with the writing. 

And obviously there are some cobwebs to dust off in the writing department. 

But now that I have found my way to this place again, you are in for some excitement. Here's a sneak preview:

• We took an infant and toddler to the Black Rock Desert to watch rockets. For a week! In a travel trailer! During that time, we did not have to go to the hospital OR the looney bin, though at times we thought we were going to have to do both. 
• Only TWO WEEKS LATER, we took an infant and a toddler to EUROPE. In two weeks, we went from Vienna to Karlsruhe to Bad Peterstal-Griesbach to Rouffach to Paris. It's a good thing we had help from two of Joseph's sisters.
• Diana turned two! And it wasn't terrible!

And anything else that pops into my head. Liam is six months old now and has a sleeping schedule that's mostly in line with his sister's, so I do actually get free time to write. Until now, I've just been using that time to, you know, catch up on six months of lost sleep, keep us all from dying under piles of laundry, counteract the constant chaos machine that is a curious toddler, and post pithy status updates on Facebook. So, important stuff.

Expect actual updates soon! Like before Christmas. 

Two months

After Liam was born, I spent a week recovering from giving birth, another week recovering from mastitis, another week fighting thrush and horrendous nursing problems, one week being the sole caretaker for the kids because Joseph came down with a nasty cold, another week taking care of a sick Diana and recovering from the cold myself. So if you didn't hear from us for about five or six weeks after Liam was born, that was why! Things have only been really "normal" for a week or two. Here's what's been going on with the kiddos:

Liam looking around and waving his arms.

Liam loves his daddy.

Two month old Liam!

Liam

Liam and "Wondrous Sister" Diana

Liam continues to be an incredibly sweet and reasonable baby who just loves people. He's even started to replace the all-purpose crying with different vocalizations. Instead of crying, he'll do a little yell or two to indicate that he's awake and wants to be fed. He really loves looking at people and smiling and practicing his cooing and talking. He is already laughing. He likes just interacting with me so much that he'll stop nursing just so he can gaze up at me, practice his giant charming smiles and coo and babble at me. He resists when I try to put him back on- he'd rather be talking and smiling at each other instead! Liam is completely in awe of Diana. We call her "Wondrous Sister," because he is just so completely amazed by everything she is and does. He has some of his biggest and most immediate smiles for her when she comes close or notices him. I think she is a big part of the reason he is starting to vocalize earlier than she did.

Diana goes to bed at 8 and his bedtime is at 10, so I basically spend the last two hours before his bedtime nursing him, snuggling with him, giving him a bath, nursing him again, smiling and talking with him, nursing him again... no wonder he doesn't want to go to bed.

Despite Liam's Very Reasonable nature, we've begun sleep training. Liam still likes to spend a lot of time sleeping, but he'll only go to sleep if he swings to sleep or is nursed to sleep. We think it's important for babies to be able to soothe and comfort themselves. So at 10:00, all the lights go out, his fan goes on for white noise, and after making sure all his needs are met (he's completely fed, clean, and burped), we put him down in his bed. If he's yelling (which he usually does, since he doesn't like to be alone), we check on him every 15 minutes to burp and change him if he needs it. Usually this is daddy's job. Mommy means food and snuggles, daddy means business. When daddy gets Liam at night, he knows he'll be taken care of, but that it's not time for more nursing and snuggling. He has to wait for at least two hours (since night time is time for sleeping!) for his midnight feeding. He's welcome to yell for those two hours if he wants. After only a couple of nights, our very smart boy has already reduced his yelling when he's put down for bed. Mostly he complains for about 30 minutes and then falls asleep. Tonight, less than a week after we started sleep training, he started dozing off while nursing around 9:30, rubbed his adorable chubby face a few times after I put him down and fell very soundly asleep. YES.

Adorable Liam taking a break from eating.

Despite all the problems of only nine weeks ago, breastfeeding Liam has become a joy and is completely easy. Joseph has observed that I've moved to the next level: "ninja breastfeeding." I can stealthily nurse Liam in restaurants, in bed. I can walk around while feeding him or get Diana another bowl of applesauce. My mom often asks me, "Aren't you glad you stuck with it?" Yes! I have been through the valley of the shadow of quitting. I often wondered if the breastfeeding wasn't actually more painful than the childbirth itself. I personally believe that breastfeeding is best, but I absolutely wouldn't judge anyone who decided to formula feed their babies, because I was so, so close to deciding to do that too. But I was stubborn enough to stick with it and now it's wonderful (and convenient!). When Liam is very hungry, he snuffles around, gives a little roar, and uses his baby abs to hurl himself face-first at the right spot. When he first latches on, his mouth works wildly and his eyes roll around in his head like a little tyrannosaur, as if he's daring anyone to take away what he's rightfully gotten in his mouth. When the let-down comes, his eyelids flutter and his eyes roll back in his head dreamily. It's so funny and heartwarming to watch. He's such a little character. Very Cespedes-like. ;)

Diana

Diana is growing and learning so much. Excuse my stream of consciousness style, it's the only way I can remember it all: 

Charges various objects to be "careful." (Maybe I say it too much?) "Careful, cup. Careful, shoes. Careful, outside. Careful, man."

Has learned "booger" and "toots." Now enjoys saying "mommy toots" repeatedly, regardless of veracity. I'm so glad I taught her these things.

Very fond of saying "good job!" I was awarded full-tuition scholarships as well as some private scholarships, I completed undergraduate research in bioengineering and oceanography, I wrote and defended a thesis, I worked three jobs in college, I presented research at a major conference, I graduated college, I traveled the world, and the most significant achievement in my life currently is using the potty like a big girl, a feat which amazes my daughter and elicits a "good job, mama!"

Does well with identifying colors and is surprisingly good with recognizing numbers. For example, she can identify when there are two zebras in the book we're reading and can recognize the number 3. If I say "two," she will follow with "three," and if I say "six," she'll say "seven."

Silly girl just had to sleep with her sunglasses.

We've read all her board books dozens of times, so we're starting to move on. She enjoys  P.D. Eastman's books, like "Go, Dog, Go!" We've also started to visit the library regularly. It's like a wonderland to her. She runs around plucking out books at random. I feel like I should be leaving tips for the librarians to repay them for all the reshelving that needs to be done after Diana has made her rounds.

Beginning to add imagination to her play. She will put rocks on a chair and call them "food" and pretend to eat them. She also has a giant stuffed lion that she carries around. When she lays it down, it is taking a "nap" and she will even give it a blanket.

She wants to know names for everything! I can't even begin to estimate the number of times I hear "wha dat?" each day. After I tell her, she very carefully repeats the word, sometimes several times, until she has it almost exactly right. It's pretty adorable. She also wants to learn the names of people, and has a surprisingly good memory for faces and names. This will be useful to her as she has four grandparents, ten aunts, ten uncles, and ten cousins. That's assuming I didn't forget any. She also uses pronouns and possessives "my tummy," "my bag," "I'm here!" "I'm stuck," sometimes with a little bit of a British accent from watching too much Kipper.

Imitates things that we say, especially those that we don't realize we say very often. "Do you mind?" "I got it! (I can do it)" "Excuse me." "No no, Diana! Ohhhh, Diana..." She'll also imitate other people, which is why we have to officially stop watching grown-up shows around her. We like a variety of TV shows: The West Wing, The Office, Community, 30 Rock, and Parks and Recreation. Of all those, Parks and Rec seems to be the "friendliest," in that the characters are generally happy and don't spend most of the time yelling at each other in what might be a very unsettling way for a toddler to watch. So if mommy and daddy want to watch something around Diana that isn't Kipper (her favorite cartoon), we watch Parks and Rec ("Leslie show!"). However, this morning Diana stumbled over a toy and very softly but very definitely said "dammit." What a shock for a parent to hear from her precious little toddler! Especially since she's not exposed to swearing in our house or anywhere else that I can think of. The only thing I can imagine is that it came from TV, so we'll have to stop that while she's around.

She very much enjoys imitating our actions, especially mine. She knows that I put on makeup most days and wants to hold my "mas-cara" and dab it on her eyes. She'll use cylindrical blocks as lip balm, "like mama."

She loves to help. She carefully observes (and usually gets in the way of) everything we do, but the best way I've found to get Diana to stop being a nuisance is to get her involved. She helps me unload the dishwasher by handing me the silverware and some of the smaller plates. I'll fill up Nova's food bowl in the garage and let Diana carry it back inside the house. She helps me prune flowers, make pancakes, sweep, mop, change Liam's diaper, and anything else I'll allow her to do. I can expect a certain amount of mess whenever she helps, but she is just so thrilled whenever she's allowed to help me that it's definitely worth the time it takes to clean up.

Joseph's mom rightly observed that Diana was quite the naturalist. She loves being outside. It makes me feel bad that we don't go outside more often since we don't have a fenced-in yard. Our back yard is currently a giant exhibit of all the native weeds of western Oregon, so she mostly runs around in the front. She likes sunshine and running (and rolling) around in the grass, smelling and picking flowers, watching bees, and picking anything berry-like off plants. Parks are her favorite thing in the world, especially if they have playgrounds. She has, terrifyingly, learned to scale ladders to giant slides, so we need to keep a close eye on her. I can't believe that this is the same girl who was just learning to sit up a year ago!

We've begun potty training. We've begun potty training. I read a blog post by a woman who potty-trained her 18 month old in a week and used that as my inspiration. Admittedly, the toddler had an older brother who set an example for her, but I figured it still might work for us. Basically, she gathered as much potty-training material for her daughter as she could find at her local library, made her daughter familiar with the potty and what it was for, and stayed home for a week allowing her daughter to run around without a diaper. We've had mild success. When coupled with mommy enforcing potty time every 15 minutes or so, Diana can "hold it" long enough to do her business in the potty. (Hooray!) However, if I leave it completely up to her discretion, sometimes disaster results. Keep in mind that this method is already difficult because Diana's eczema is so bad that whenever she has bare legs, she will attack them and savagely scratch them until they bleed. I had to cut the toes off a pair of Joseph's soft dress socks and put them on her legs. Yesterday she came out with me to get the mail, a fashion plate in Joseph's dark dress socks and her too-big orange dress, and she made a slight detour to run around on the grass. She bent here to look at the grass, she squatted there to look at a bee...or so I thought. I told her it was time to come inside, she obediently ran to me and then completely nonchalantly dropped a pookie on our sidewalk, right there in front of me, the good Lord, and the whole world. I was speechless. So was she. I hesistatingly explained to her that she'd made a mess outside instead of in her potty and that pookies belonged in the potty. It didn't appear to really sink in. When I went outside to clean it up, it turned out the dog had helpfully slurped some up, making my day doubly gross. Things I never expected to deal with as a mother...

Overall, we have two fantastic and healthy kids and it is easier every day to be a family of four. I really need to get to bed, but next time I post, I'll include more about recovery, adjusting to motherhood, and our travel plans for the fall!

One month on

This has to be quick since I'm writing during that precious, rare and magical time in which both children are napping at once.

Some of the best baby advice I ever received was from my mother-in-law, a wonderful woman who had 13 amazing children, so she knows babies pretty well. When my husband and I went to his parents' house shortly after Diana was born, probably with haggard and desperate looks in our eyes, she told me that she always used to circle the date on the calendar one month after the baby was born. Then, in the middle of the late, tired nights and long hectic days when it seemed like things would never be the same again, she could look at the calendar and know that most of the seemingly overwhelming problems associated with having a new baby would be resolved by that day.

She was absolutely right! I've found that to be true for both of my babies. Despite bouts of mastitis, thrush, and some excruciating breastfeeding problems, I am feeling almost back to normal. Our nursing problems may be related to the fact that Liam seems unable to open his mouth quite as wide when he turns his head to his right side. That possibly accounted for our latch problems and may be something we can fix with some gentle physical therapy. In the meantime, I just switched my positioning to the "football hold" on my left side and we can now nurse painlessly. The other side just healed itself once I worked with him a little bit to train him to open his mouth wider. I realize again just what a wonderful, natural and convenient thing nursing is. Hallelujah!

Liam is a healthy growing boy. He still mostly sleeps four hours at a time, but he's starting to spend more time awake after feedings looking around and occasionally giving out precious giant baby smiles. Mostly he seems to like smiling at his daddy. Go figure. I got a daddy's girl and a daddy's boy. ;) I don't really mind. I love that our kids seem to love Joseph right off the bat.

Our biggest trouble with Liam isn't really too bad at all. He puts himself on a four hour feeding schedule, but often he wakes up to eat exactly when Diana is going to sleep- robbing me of a chance to get anything done (or, you know, sleep)- and goes to sleep just when Diana is waking up. Sleep deprivation is starting to really catch up with me, so we wanted to try massaging his natural schedule into something more convenient for us. If everything goes well, it even allows time for me to get some cleaning and personal time. We started this schedule just a couple of days ago, much later than we started with Diana, mostly because her natural schedule was a little more demanding and we needed to make her fit into our lifestyle or go completely crazy and never spend any time with each other until she was several years old. Since Liam was so reasonable, we gave him more leeway.

Of course, once we made plans, life changed. I took some allergy medicine that made Liam especially drowsy, so I had to try waking him up to feed, but he didn't seem particularly interested in eating. I tried some different allergy medicine that unfortunately had the same effect on him. At the same time, Diana and I both caught a cold that Joseph had, so now we're all just trying to catch sleep when we can. I'm getting up to feed Liam whenever he wakes up, since he sometimes sleeps for 10 hours (until the medicine passes through my system) and is ravenous when he wakes up.

Overall, colds and allergies aside, life is going well. I'm even starting to do some light working out which feels amazing! I'll post more updates about Diana and our family later.

Advice to moms

The dark days of having a newborn are mostly behind us and it is marvelous. However, I stumbled on this document that I wrote shortly after having Diana. It's a collection of advice and reminders I intended for other new moms and for myself when I had another baby. It was based on my experiences as a shell-shocked new mother, so it carries the notes of my desperation. I found these things to be as true after having Liam as they were when I had Diana, so I thought I'd share them.

As a brand new mother, I felt like I had been duped. People will tell you in vague terms that having a baby is "hard" and "an adjustment," but I felt like there were so many vital things that no one ever mentioned to me. Instead I had to learn them on my own. In retrospect, it seems that the best and maybe the only way any mother will ever learn these sorts of things is on her own. Even if someone had explained these to me, I doubt I would have listened much or known how much they would affect me.

Things I wish I'd known before having a baby

• Things WILL get better down there- you will walk, exercise and have sex again.
• You will probably overproduce milk (regulation takes 3-4 weeks). For what it's worth, my body regulated itself within about a week with my second child, but for the first four weeks with my first, it was basically not worth it to even wear clothes or put any on her. I would just soak them all within a few hours. I felt almost inhuman sometimes. It gets better, it just takes a few weeks. In the meantime, pump and store. That three week growth spurt comes up faster than you'd expect. And there's a chance that at some point in your life you'll want to get extra sleep or let someone else watch the baby and it always helps to have a bottle around for that.
• Nursing, the most natural thing in the world, is not. Breastfeeding. sweet heavens, the breastfeeding. You may scream. You may wonder if God is punishing ALL of your lady parts. If you meet someone who tells you that breastfeeding is the most sweet and natural thing in the world, hit them in the face. Aim for the jaw. It will be an excellent catharsis for all the stress you store up in your body over any of the multitude of problems you may be experiencing just trying to feed your voracious crocodile hungry baby. You are not the only one who has been found in the early hours of the morning sobbing over your child who is crying for food (again) because you just don't want to expose your aching nipples to more agony. There are others. It will get better. Give it a month. If you are resolved to breastfeed your child no matter what, you may JUST make it. It will make you a stronger person than you thought you could ever be. Spoiler: it does not get easier with subsequent children, the problems just become more familiar.
• Sometimes your attitude really is everything- Be positive. I had so many problems recovering after having my first child, that sometimes a positive attitude was really the only thing I had. No matter what was actually going on, when people asked me how everything was going, I told them that things were better and better every day. Eventually that was actually the case. (This also works with childbirth- don't get discouraged or let yourself think you can't do it. There's no point in that kind of thinking.)
• Talk to other mothers- Experienced ones (your own, if possible) and other new ones. It helps so much to know you're not alone. 
• The most valuable thing anyone ever said to me was "you're doing a good job"- Affirmation that you're the best mother to your baby is invaluable. As long as I live, I will never forget that every time my mother saw me, she told me "you're doing such a good job" whether she actually saw me doing anything motherly or not. It left me with the strong desire to only ever be positive and supportive to new mothers.
• No one will hold the first month against you- The first month will knock you off your feet. You may feel like a little atomic bomb has exploded in your life. Rest assured no one will care if you cry randomly, worry about everything, get frustrated at nothing, can't keep the house clean, can't cook or do laundry or even think about work. Circle the date on the calendar four weeks from when your baby is born. When you feel that nothing will ever be the same again, look at the calendar and know that almost all the problems you're dealing with in the first few weeks will be resolved by then.
• Sleep when the baby sleeps- Get a few things done around the house if you need to for sanity's sake, but get sleep whenever possible. SLEEP IS THE GREATEST GOOD.
• NOTHING will prepare you for the reality of having your own baby- Not time or skill with other children, nothing.
• Your birth will not go as planned- Childbirth is a HUGE event, and like other big events (weddings, parties, etc.), something will probably not follow your plan. Be flexible, be forgiving to yourself
• Enjoy your baby- Your child won't always fall asleep on you. Cuddle them while you can. Enjoy their laughter, their warmth, their baby smell and how they grow. Other demands on your time can wait.
• If you ever feel proud or satisfied with yourself, you should! You were just an integral part of a miracle. Your little one needs you most.
• Accept help from anyone who offers it- As you will sometimes feel all too keenly, you can't do this alone. It really does take a village to raise a child. Let people be part of your support team. It will make them feel good too.
• There may not be an instant bond- You will probably instantly and instinctively feel protective of your new little person, but they may not instantly reciprocate. It can be discouraging when, for the first few weeks, baby doesn't even notice you except when they're demanding something of you (not the baby's fault). It can be disheartening when the first smile and laugh go to someone else, or if someone else is more effective at soothing your baby than you. My first child is a daddy's girl, and when she was first born, I swore that if she hadn't needed me for food, she wouldn't have even liked me. You're a grown-up, and the unconditional love you feel for your baby is sometimes one-sided, but you're still the best mommy for your baby, and in time they'll come to feel it too.
• Welcome to sainthood- Sometimes, NO ONE will notice or appreciate the selfless things you do. don't expect your child to truly appreciate it until they have children of their own.

Does anyone else have things they wish they'd known before having kids? Comment and share!

Advice from Mom

Life is so much better now than it was in my Life with Liam post. We're still trying to figure some things out, but life seems much more manageable now.

However...

Back in the dark days (actually, only a week ago- it's hard to believe things can change so quickly!) when breastfeeding was still absolute agony, I reached the end of my rope. In all honesty, it probably wasn't the first time that day, but there I was around 11 PM: tired, alone (Joseph was out that evening) and being screamed at by a baby who wanted food AGAIN. That was all I could take that day, and with no one else to talk to, I wrote a short exasperated email to my mom. I would have called her, but she was out of the country. Her advice to me was so good (and eerily accurate) that I just had to share it.

Me: "I hate everything about breastfeeding!!!! Why does this have to be such a problem?!?!?!?!? He just downed a 4.5 oz bottle an hour and a half ago and he’s yelling again. WHY ME??????"


Mom: "Hi Baby Girl,

I was thinking about you this morning and wondering how everything is going. It can take 4-6 weeks for nursing to become second nature...again. You will be so happy you stuck with it. 'Why?!!', you may implore. One word: oxytocin. This hormone is a gift from God to all mothers...indeed to all peoples everywhere. It keeps exhausted, fussy moms on the verge of joining their toddlers and infants in a temper tantrum instead blessedly calm, serene, and a bit forgetful. "Who cares if the dog threw up in the corner, the toddler finger painted in it and then played in the mountain of clean laundry with said befouled digits all while the phone rang and dinner burned?", the nursing mother puzzles. She smiles lazily and snuggles in with her infant while turning on any cartoon that will immobilize the toddler long enough for her to catch her breath, re-order her priorities (Shower? Naah. Brush teeth? Hopefully.), and marvel in the wonderful cocktail of hormones bathing her brain and calming her spirit. She gives thanks to the Lord and looks forward to the next feeding.

Really! It happens. Keep a brief log of the shenanigans that multiple kiddos (& pets) bring into your life. You will be amazed! And know that mothers deserve praise the other 364 days of the year too. ;o)"

How she knew that that morning the dog had thrown up on the floor, forcing me to put Liam down in the middle of nursing (causing him to scream) to clean it up while shooing Diana away from it and the floor cleaner I was using (causing her to cry) is beyond me. But she was absolutely right. Moms have a special talent for that. I'm still waiting to receive that talent. Nursing is easy again, praise God! I can feel myself getting wound up tighter and tighter during the day as my plans fall apart and my toddler and dog wreck my clean house and Liam screams to be fed while I change him, but when I finally do sit down, I feel elated and then calm and happy. Breastfeeding hormones really are designed to keep mothers sane. As I sit next to Diana who is being distracted for a few blissful moments by an episode of Kipper and snuggle with Liam, even in the midst of toppled piles of laundry, dog hair, globs of oatmeal spilled on the floor and scattered stuffed animals, I feel happy and peaceful.

Liam's birth announcement

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Life with Liam

Liam

Happy Liam! You can see his dimple in this picture. :)

Liam is a very healthy, very laid-back little boy. A few days after he was born, he lost a few ounces and weighed in at 8 lbs 2 oz. In about a week, he was back up to 8 lbs 13 oz and at 18 days old he weighed 9 lbs 5 oz. He has deep dark blue eyes and is getting more dark hair. Unlike Diana as a baby, he only really cries when he wakes up for food and right before he goes to sleep. (But only sometimes. He ends up falling asleep eating about half the time.) If he does spend time awake, he just likes looking around quietly at everything and everyone. He (mercifully) has naturally put himself on a four hour feeding schedule. If I feed him at 8 PM, I can be almost certain that he will wake up around midnight for another feeding. That is very convenient during the day when I need to get things done and take care of Diana. The only unfortunate thing about his schedule right now is that he seems to believe the day begins at 8 PM. He spends most of the day eating and sleeping, but after his 8 PM feeding he wants to look around and gets fussy if he isn't held. Our little boy loves to snuggle with people. In fact, he wants to spend most of the time from 8 PM to 6 AM eating and looking around and being cuddled. This makes for some tricky sleepless nights since Diana wakes up at 7:30 AM. So far it has meant me nursing Liam at midnight and then Joey staying up with him until he falls asleep or until his next feeding around 4 AM. Then Joseph has to sleep in the next day while I wrangle Diana and Liam in the morning.

Sleeping schedule aside, I love having a little baby to snuggle. I love the way he smells and how warm and little he is. We're still deciding whether we'll have more kids, so I'm trying to really enjoy having a little Liam to love. I love Diana dearly, but she is definitely way more energetic and doesn't hold still for much hugging or snuggling. 

Diana

Diana doesn't seem too concerned about Liam. For the first week, she barely acknowledged him and wouldn't say his name. She actually insisted he was "Ella" or "Emmy" (her girl cousins down the street) for a while. Now she recognizes and calls him "Leem," points out that he has eyes, ears, nose and mouth, sometimes gives him kisses and tells me when he is "sad." She also, terrifyingly, occasionally says "hold it!" and tries to pick Liam up out of his swing. When she gets tired of having to play on her own while I feed Liam, she will come over and push on the Boppy nursing pillow and insist I put him "down!" 

She has predictably become a little more weepy. I hear it's common when a new baby comes along, since he gets attention when he cries. We are trying to distinguish between being a "big girl" and acting like a baby. 

Mostly Diana is doing very well with the new addition. While she's not incredibly interested in him yet, she also seems to have accepted that he is a nice new part of our family. I expect that as he grows up, she will enjoy having a little brother more!

My Recovery

Some parts of my recovery have been much better than with Diana. I know how to handle a newborn, so I don't feel as lost and helpless. Diana has a schedule, so I don't have to worry about making one up from scratch. I haven't had a problem with my stitches healing up. So far, the biggest obstacle to my recovery has been related to breastfeeding.

My mom was a lactation consultant, so I grew up with her breastfeeding me and my younger siblings, advising women who came over to our house, and preaching about all the wonders of breastfeeding. I believe she was right and that breastfeeding is the right thing for me and my babies. However, as I found with Diana, it is not the beautiful, easy, natural process people make it out to be.

Breastfeeding is hell. If I didn't have a personal commitment to nursing my babies for at LEAST the first six months (Diana naturally weaned herself shortly after I got pregnant when she was about ten months old), I would have quit and used formula long ago. Nothing has been easy with Liam. He has a very strong suck, which HURTS like nothing else even though I'd nursed Diana. I expected it to be painless with the second child! And while there was no cracking or bleeding of the nipples like with Diana (thank goodness!), something was definitely not right. For the past three weeks, I've graduated from screaming and sometimes crying every time he ate to biting down on a rag to avoid screaming and frightening him to just gritting my teeth. About a week after he was born, I developed mastitis, complete with soreness, fever, and that sensitive aching feeling that comes with being sick- which just made the excruciating pain of nursing that much worse. After a few days of lots of sleep, pumping milk, and some nasty vinegar-water-honey concoctions, the mastitis cleared up. However, nursing was still incredibly painful. Liam had a very narrow latch, which we figured out was due to thrush. (I thought his very white tongue was just due to milk residue.) Thankfully, around the time we discovered the thrush, we took Liam to the doctor to be circumcised and she prescribed Nystatin drops. That seems to be helping to clear up his thrush, and I've been taking acidophilus supplements to help with any yeast problems I may have. So far he seems more willing to take more of the breast into his mouth (since I suspect it doesn't hurt his tongue as much), which makes nursing MUCH easier for me. There have even been a couple times in the last day or so when I was only vaguely uncomfortable while nursing him. It was a big improvement.

Just to be clear, I know that breastfeeding isn't always this bad. I got off to a very rough start with Diana as well for different reasons and I remember that after a month or two, nursing was easy and enjoyable. In fact, I really missed it when Diana weaned herself. I loved the connection and the snuggling time. (And how about those happy hormones after a let down! They make everything in the world better!) I have great hope that the same will be true for Liam, although it appears it might take a little longer with him.

So far there hasn't been much of a problem with the baby blues. The few times I got really emotional were mostly due to exhaustion, reluctance to feed Liam because of the unbearable pain, and wavering between extremes of feeling like everyone needs something from me at once and feeling like no one really needs me. We had so much help from family taking care of Diana and the house after Liam was born. There were some days when I hardly saw Diana at all, and since I couldn't do anything with her like pick her up, play with her or run around with her outside for a week or two, she seemed to stop wanting or needing me. Where she used to get excited and say "Mama!!" or need me to hold her when she was hurt, she now started to ask for "Daddy" or "Annies" (Aunties). It was so hard. I didn't have much energy to give her, but I missed having my little girl who had been with me constantly for so long. That feeling was good for a couple of late night breakdowns. Now that Joey has mostly gone back to work, Diana and I spend more time together and I feel like we're starting to connect again, which is a wonderful feeling. I love Liam dearly, and I love to hold and talk to him and snuggle him, but it's a little difficult to fully connect with someone who doesn't seem to notice you except to demand something of you. I found that life with Diana got much more enjoyable after a month or two when she seemed to start recognizing and interacting with us. I know that will change with Liam.

That's what life has been like so far in the last three weeks. There are definitely challenges, but it's not as bad as it could be, and I know it will all get easier. Hopefully I can find time to keep this updated as the weeks fly by!

Liam Joseph Sullivan

On Saturday, May 26 at 11:30 AM we met Liam Joseph Sullivan for the first time. He was 8 lbs 10 oz, 20.5 in long with a 14 in head. It was about six hours from the time I woke up feeling cramps with an intense backache until the time he was born, and only about an hour and a half was active labor. We were blessed to be able to have a smooth and healthy home birth.We were so happy to meet our little boy.

His Name

You can see from the list in our previous post that we like pretty traditional names. As Jack Donaghy said, "Don't overthink the name. Stick to kings and queens of England. There will never be a President Ashton, or a Dr. Katniss, or a non-sexually-confused Lorne." That's been our philosophy, which was why William was a front runner for so long. However, about two weeks before Liam was born, Joseph announced that in all our time considering the name, it hadn't really grown on him, so we started back at square one and made a new list. 

Patrick was considered, as well as Joseph, although Joey didn't really like the idea of using it for a first name (his dad is also named Joseph). I liked William because it lent itself to cool nicknames like Will or Liam while still being traditional and distinguished. Unfortunately, it lends itself to all sorts of nicknames I don't prefer, like Billy or Willy. We could have named him William and just called him Will or Liam all the time, but that is fairly common practice among his ten cousins and it gets confusing very quickly. (For example, there is an Adam James who was named after his father Adam, but he's called James so he's not confused with his dad, but there's also a cousin named James who was named after HIS father James, but is called Teddy so as not to be confused with his father OR his older cousin James. Great names, and we adore our family members, but very confusing.) Liam popped up because it was an Irish shortening of William that sounded nice. I admit it's not very traditional, and I didn't like it at first, but it grew on me. We decided to go with Joseph as a middle name because we didn't want to lose a nice legacy name like that completely.

Birth Story

(Note: This is prominently labeled so that those of you who don't want to read the details can skip this section completely) :)

The day before Liam was born, I reached an odd sense of peace about being pregnant pretty much for the rest of my life. Really. I was struggling and gnashing my teeth at the discomfort of pregnancy during the entire 38th week, but by week 39 I'd just become calm about it all. It happened with Diana too on her due date and she came the very next day. I guess that peace indicates the calm before the storm for me, because Liam came as soon as I'd made up my mind to just enjoy pregnancy again.

I woke up at 5 AM feeling crampy, a little nauseous, and with occasional killer back/hip pains. I wandered around a little bit, tried to go back to sleep, got up again, took a shower, and started timing the back pains, since I didn't feel any distinguishable contractions. They were about 10 minutes apart and moved to 8 as I wandered around. By 6:30 AM I was fairly certain that I knew what was going on, even though it was still hard to distinguish contractions from pains in my back and hips and it felt completely different from when I went into labor with Diana. I woke Joseph up to let him know what was going on and called my midwife, who told me to eat a big breakfast (with the nausea, that didn't happen) and time some more contractions and see how the morning unfolded. We called my mom and she picked up Diana around 8 AM after she woke up. By that time, the contractions had become very distinct and were getting harder. I had to close my eyes and concentrate to get through them. As soon as I felt they were starting to really pick up speed and intensity, we called the midwife. She arrived around 9:30, saw one of my contractions, and got all of her equipment ready in a hurry. Joseph said he'd been feeling calm and confident until that point, having seen me in labor before and knowing that it would probably be a while before hard labor began, but when he saw how quick Lisa was to set up her supplies, he began to feel less confident about the situation.

By about 10 AM I felt like I didn't have the energy to take the very strong contractions sitting up, so I went to lie down on the bed. Something about lying down made the contractions become VERY strong and intense and much faster. Lisa saw that things were going to happen very quickly and told me it was time to push my baby out. At that point, the only people around were her, Rachel (another midwife) and Joseph.

Though I disliked being the center of attention, I found that I didn't care much about it when I had other things to focus on. Everyone was so encouraging when they spoke, and Joseph was a good sport about letting me squeeze the life out of his hands with each contraction, but mostly everyone was quiet to let me do my work. Joseph put on some quiet George Winston music that I loved when I was growing up. That's what I love about home birth: it's relatively peaceful. You're in your own house, surrounded people who are calm and supportive. I've been lucky enough not to have a hospital birth, but I really can't imagine a better way for a healthy woman to have a healthy baby than at home!

Some women are silent and strong during labor, but I find it helps me more if I yell with each contraction. With Diana, someone mentioned at some point that I was using all my energy to yell and that I should push with each contraction instead. That's what I tried to do this time- less vocalization and more pushing with each contraction. I think that really helped. My water broke in the middle of heavy labor (same as with Diana). Liam was born at 11:30, after about an hour and a half of hard (pushing) labor. Much better than the four hours it took with Diana. His labor was like riding a lightning bolt through a thunderstorm. It was very quick, but so very intense!! I didn't get much time to rest between each contraction and they lasted much longer than I would have been comfortable with (if I'd had any input). I guess that's the nice thing about labor: it feels like someone is making your body work to push a baby out instead of you deciding to work hard and push the baby out yourself. All you can do is work with the natural process.

Our Liam didn't cry when he was born. He was also completely and very definitely blue. But no one panicked. Lisa, who has been to close to 900 births, didn't see any cause for concern because he was looking around and breathing. She called it "a peaceful transition." It's a good thing she's an expert, because both Joseph and I were a little worried. She laid him on the bed next to me (I was on my side) so I could meet him face-to-face for the first time. Our little blue baby just sat there with his eyes open looking around and studying the world. The cord was cut once the blood drained from it. When the placenta was delivered, there was a gush of blood and fluid that made both midwives jump into emergency response mode (P.S.- They both seem very capable in the event of an emergency). It stopped after a moment and they determined that there had probably just still been some water behind the placenta that came out after it.

I still required stitches thanks to the speed of labor and his 14 inch head. I think there were more than when I had Diana. Still, when you've just been through childbirth, it's not that big a deal to get some stitches. And it's much more manageable when you have your brand new baby to hold and talk to. Little Liam turned pink like all healthy babies should and even eventually cried about an hour after he was born. I let him nurse for a little bit, but mostly he just wanted to sleep. The midwives gave us a final checkup, packed up and left, and Joseph, Liam and I all got some rest. Around 6 PM we called my mom, who brought Diana back so our little family could all be together again. Diana enjoyed seeing me and Joseph and was even briefly interested in her little brother, though she kept insisting he was Ella or Emily, her 3 month and 6 week old cousins who live down the street.

It was such a blessing to have a speedy and healthy home birth. We love the newest member of our little family!